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Sensitive act doesn’t perform well in bedroom
By STEPHANIE DUNN, Avenue Write
Why is it that guys no longer act like gentlemen, and girls no longer act like ladies?
The other day, a girl was walking into Barnes and Noble while simultaneously digging through her purse, gabbing on her cell phone ¾ the conversation something along the lines of, “She said she was raped, but I think she’s lying for attention,” ¾ and balancing a lidless iced coffee. A guy who happened to be reading nearby saw her approaching the door and opened it for her. Although a polite smile would have sufficed, she instead gave him a glare with such disgust you would have thought he’d tongued her neck while reaching for the handle. Her top lip actually curled up over her teeth in anger as she hissed, “I could have done that my–SELF!” and stomped inside. The poor guy didn’t know what hit him.
So how does this pertain to sex? Because men, newly tweezed, tanned and trimmed, don’t act like men in the bedroom anymore. Women doing the whole “I am woman, hear me roar” act have roared them into meek submission. Now they act more like lambs in the sack than lions.
The other day, a girl was walking into Barnes and Noble while simultaneously digging through her purse, gabbing on her cell phone ¾ the conversation something along the lines of, “She said she was raped, but I think she’s lying for attention,” ¾ and balancing a lidless iced coffee. A guy who happened to be reading nearby saw her approaching the door and opened it for her. Although a polite smile would have sufficed, she instead gave him a glare with such disgust you would have thought he’d tongued her neck while reaching for the handle. Her top lip actually curled up over her teeth in anger as she hissed, “I could have done that my–SELF!” and stomped inside. The poor guy didn’t know what hit him.
So how does this pertain to sex? Because men, newly tweezed, tanned and trimmed, don’t act like men in the bedroom anymore. Women doing the whole “I am woman, hear me roar” act have roared them into meek submission. Now they act more like lambs in the sack than lions.
A girlfriend of mine once told me she had hoped for a raunchy night with her booty call, the kind of uninhibited sex that can only occur when you could care less about the other person’s opinion. But when she relayed what she wanted him to do to her in explicit detail, he said, “Tonight, can we just watch a movie and snuggle?” A booty call said this to her. When I think of a hot night, watching “The Notebook” while some guy caresses my inner elbow and croons James Blunt isn’t exactly what comes to mind. I don’t call my best friend and say, “It was so mind–blowing. We kissed until my face bled from his stubble, and then we spooned for hours. Hours. It was so intense I cried.”
I think most women want to be thrown around a little. Some want to be thrown around a lot. Guys, for the love of God, stop being so hesitant! There is nothing worse than when a guy, instead of smacking a girl’s butt with purpose, does that wimpy half–tap thing. It’s just painful, and not in the good way. So here are some do’s and don’t’s of reclaiming your manhood between the sheets. Or anywhere but between the sheets if you really want us to smile.
A good way to warm up is with some dirty talk. Don’t go all out and verbally recreate the last bondage porno you watched ¾ at least not the first time. Also, be confident in what you’re saying. Because if you’re not, we sense your awkward attempt at forced sexiness, and you’ll look and probably feel really stupid. Some girls might not want to jump right in and finish your sentences either, so be patient. If you say it, she will come. And this is the biggest thing, so take note: Dirty talk does not translate well to public scenarios. Just because she likes it in bed doesn’t mean she’ll appreciate you saying, “Grab your purse, you filthy bitch. We’re leaving,” at a friend’s.
Make sure you’re comfortable with the person. In movies, impromptu bang fests between strangers seem realistic and definitely more enticing than the same old predictable sex with the same old predictable person. Next time you see the girl who always flirts with you at parties and you decide to really rock her world with your Casanova tactics and bad–boy attitude, don’t try to jump her when she’s walking to the bathroom. You’ll end up with a face full of mace and a reputation as a rapist creep. A little unexpected roughness can be a real turn–on, however, with a girl you know well.
So tonight, try manning up a little. Be forceful. Give her hair a little tug (little being the key word). She’ll thank you for it by doing ladylike things like wearing sexy outfits, making cookies or, I don’t know, waxing. Or you can take a bubble bath together, listen to Josh Groban and look into each other’s eyes. Whatever works for you.
I think most women want to be thrown around a little. Some want to be thrown around a lot. Guys, for the love of God, stop being so hesitant! There is nothing worse than when a guy, instead of smacking a girl’s butt with purpose, does that wimpy half–tap thing. It’s just painful, and not in the good way. So here are some do’s and don’t’s of reclaiming your manhood between the sheets. Or anywhere but between the sheets if you really want us to smile.
A good way to warm up is with some dirty talk. Don’t go all out and verbally recreate the last bondage porno you watched ¾ at least not the first time. Also, be confident in what you’re saying. Because if you’re not, we sense your awkward attempt at forced sexiness, and you’ll look and probably feel really stupid. Some girls might not want to jump right in and finish your sentences either, so be patient. If you say it, she will come. And this is the biggest thing, so take note: Dirty talk does not translate well to public scenarios. Just because she likes it in bed doesn’t mean she’ll appreciate you saying, “Grab your purse, you filthy bitch. We’re leaving,” at a friend’s.
Make sure you’re comfortable with the person. In movies, impromptu bang fests between strangers seem realistic and definitely more enticing than the same old predictable sex with the same old predictable person. Next time you see the girl who always flirts with you at parties and you decide to really rock her world with your Casanova tactics and bad–boy attitude, don’t try to jump her when she’s walking to the bathroom. You’ll end up with a face full of mace and a reputation as a rapist creep. A little unexpected roughness can be a real turn–on, however, with a girl you know well.
So tonight, try manning up a little. Be forceful. Give her hair a little tug (little being the key word). She’ll thank you for it by doing ladylike things like wearing sexy outfits, making cookies or, I don’t know, waxing. Or you can take a bubble bath together, listen to Josh Groban and look into each other’s eyes. Whatever works for you.
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July 2nd, 2009 CorrectionThe UF-Georgia football game is held annually at the Jacksonville Municipal Stadium. The contract for the game is between UF and the city of Jacksonville. An article in Tuesday’s paper stated otherwise. |
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The following are comments from the readers.
ccb wrote on Sep 12, 2008 12:04 AM:
" By the way, I apologize for the irritating self-censoring, but alligator.org doesn't permit profanity. 'Bitches' is apparently okay, but sl-t, wh-re, and cl-t are not? Sure, whatever. "
ccb wrote on Sep 12, 2008 12:17 AM:
" Actually, let's try this. Will 'clitoris' pass the censor? Because by non-vaginal erogenous zones I meant neck, back, sides, and the like but most specifically the clitoris. "
donthaveaspaz wrote on Sep 15, 2008 10:27 AM:
" Why do you insist on the world being some strange "southern-hospitality" mixture of manly attitudes, where men rule and women submit? Your proposal is NOT gentlemanly, and I personally am nauseated.
Also, were you the girl that wrote the article about masturbating being ok? COME ON! Is there any older news to be reiterated for the two people on campus so religious to believe that touching themselves is a mortal sin? You wont change them from some lighthearted opinion column, and everyone else already jacks off all the time. "
Also, were you the girl that wrote the article about masturbating being ok? COME ON! Is there any older news to be reiterated for the two people on campus so religious to believe that touching themselves is a mortal sin? You wont change them from some lighthearted opinion column, and everyone else already jacks off all the time. "
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ccb wrote on Sep 12, 2008 12:00 AM:
If that's the treatment you enjoy, that's fine, but I'm confused by the 'lesson' of this article--namely, that the modern male college kid is too submissive and much too caring--when experience has shown me that it's only too easy to find guys completely unwilling to play the sensitive boyfriend game. There are plenty of self-centered men (boys, really) around campus who feel entitled to be catered to sexually and emotionally, without reciprocation, because society has traditionally permitted such behavior and deemed it effeminate to consider a girlfriend your equal.
Personally, I love cuddling (though "The Notebook" is horrible)--and I love sweet, honest men who don't feel it is necessary to live up to a definition of macho-manliness that involves suppressing tenderness with domineering aggression, sexual or otherwise. It is time to abandon these restrictive and harmful gender norms and let men be multifaceted individuals, not crude caricatures learned from Spike TV.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the couples of the gator nation should just hold hands and save it for marriage instead of being so gosh-darned naughty. I think sex is great--and that's exactly why I DON'T want society's anti-sex attitudes invading my bedroom. I'm not a self-loathing masochist who wants to be punished for getting it on, so I don't want to be called a sl-t or a wh-re during sex because some Alligator article decided to tell the campus that all women love dirty talk.
Furthermore, there is NOTHING APPEALING about "the kind of uninhibited sex that can only occur when you could care less about the other persons opinion," because if your one-night-stand doesn't give a damn about you or your satisfaction, will he be attending to your non-vaginal erogenous zones? Will he finish you off if he finishes first? Will he indulge you in any sex act that doesn't involve furiously pounding one of your holes? Maybe if you have a hair-trigger orgasm you can enjoy sex with people who aren't invested in getting you off, but most women (70-90%, studies reveal!) don't come via penetration alone, so in many cases, that just won't satisfy.
Stephanie Dunn, I can understand if you're frustrated with an unassertive sex partner, but you don't need to issue an edict to the male half of the campus to abandon sensitivity and return to the caveman days, when wooing a lady meant knocking her out and dragging her back to the cave for some sweet sweet troglodytic lovin'. The answer is honest communication. If you want it rough, just let a guy know. I'm sure he'll indulge you.
On a final note, regarding that story about the gabby girl at B&N? She's not complicit in some vicious female-chauvinist plot to reduce men to simpering lady-folks, or even indicative of a general trend in that direction. As her repulsive conversation indicates, she's just a bad person. Don't read too much into it. "