Alligator Online

As my editors slowly are learning, I am a horrible and chronic procrastinator. I had a ton of free time this week, so naturally I started writing this column about 15 minutes before it was due. People get mad at me a lot because of this, but I don’t even understand it. I don’t try to put things off — it’s just that nothing seems urgent when you have a whole other day to get it done. I must have sat down to write 10 times this week, and not once did I make it past “By Andrew Meyer.” In trying to understand why I am so compelled not to do what I’m supposed to, I listed all of the diversions I frequently occupy myself with. Have a look:

Thefacebook.com: Has there ever been a faster way to throw away two hours? I mean, who can study, write or think when they’ve been poked? Certainly not me. I have to poke back, read their entire profile, and memorize their list of friends before I even can consider doing work.

I’m sorry, I lost my train of thought — someone just changed my wall.

Collegehumor.com: The wonders of the Internet are never as clear as when you have a paper due in half an hour. Let’s be honest; procrastinating is made a thousand times easier when you realize there are videos online of drunk girls making out and people hitting each other in the face.

ESPN.com: Wow. My column has taken on an unexpected Web site bent. But that’s the truth: Half of the problem is that the tool I use to do work also contains countless ways to entertain myself, and what’s more amusing than reading up-to-the-minute reports on the status of Dwayne Wade’s groin?

Freewebs.com/newforum: If I’m going to pimp all of these other sites, I might as well plug my own, too. Despite the fact that I only have nine or so visitors, I put a lot of time and effort into my Web page — effort that only can be given when I have something else I should be doing.

The Alligator itself: It’s true; I do read the paper on days when I’m not in it. Not only is it a good way to put off whatever I’m doing, but also if I ever decide I care about Student Government, there are about 15 stories a day I could read about it. By the way, am I the only one who misses Detours? I know I’m not the readers’ advocate (read: official Alligator basher), but The Avenue feels like it was written by my grandfather.

iTunes: I have 16 days worth of music on my computer. It takes 20 minutes for me to decide what I want to listen to before I can even begin writing, not to mention that I am obsessed with finding new bands and more music. Is it strange that I actually paid for music online the other day? It just felt so… wrong.

Poker: The seventh and deadliest sin of procrastination. I managed to stop playing poker online, but that doesn’t seem to matter. Any time I even think about getting something done, I hear the distinctive “let’s get a game together” knock at my door. Whenever I’m writing one of these columns, without fail, a poker game starts up on my floor. And the worst part is, I always play.

I’m not addicted.

Really, I’m not.

They say the first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one, right? Mission accomplished. Now I just need to find out what the next step is. That part should be easy.

I’ll do it tomorrow.

Andrew Meyer is a journalism freshman. His column appears on Friday.