Alligator Online

It's been two weeks since President Bush nominated Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, and despite efforts by various news organizations to unearth some semblance of a legal record, her paper trail is about as long as a stray piece of toilet paper on the bottom of someone's shoe.

I've tried to withhold judgment until the confirmation hearings, but a look into Miers' past makes waiting unnecessary.

It would be incredibly surprising if Miers exhibited even a fraction of the constitutional knowledge that newly appointed Chief Justice John Roberts possesses in the tip of his pinky finger.

President Bush contends that Miers has "real-world experience." So does every other Joe Schmo.

Whereas Chief Justice Roberts argued 39 cases before the Supreme Court, Miers has argued none.

The problem isn't so much that she's never been a judge - neither were many justices before her - but that she has no experience in constitutional law.

Miers was never a law professor like William Douglas.

She never legislated in Congress like 27 other justices without judicial experience had.

And she was never a leading appellate lawyer like John Roberts.

The consistency of her constitutional knowledge is about as thick as a piece of one-ply.

As usual, President Bush has been blinded by loyalty. Miers has served him as his personal attorney in Texas, head of the Texas Lottery Commission, White House staff secretary and White House counsel.

As conservative columnist Charles Krauthammer put it, "If Harriet Miers were not a crony of the president of the United States, her nomination to the Supreme Court would be a joke, as it would have occurred to no one else to nominate her.''

Something along the way might prove all the naysayers wrong.

Bur it's highly unlikely, as indicated by the records released Oct. 10 of Miers' term as chairwoman of the Texas Lottery Commission.

"You are the best governor ever - deserving of great respect!'' Miers gushed in a belated birthday card to George W. Bush in 1997. On the front of the card was a cute little puppy.

Later that year, Miers wrote Bush a note saying she hoped his twin daughters, Jenna and Barbara, recognize that they have "cool" parents.

Honestly, I don't think I could make this up even if I tried.

Conservatives are eating Miers alive, and liberals are following the wise words of Napoleon Bonaparte - "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."

But I have come up with a solution that serves everyone.

Miers seems to have such superb card-writing skills; instead of making her a lifetime appointee to the highest court in the land, why not appoint her lifetime CEO of Hallmark instead?

Aaron Blye is a political campaigning graduate student. His column appears on Tuesday.