Skip to Content, Navigation, or Footer.
We inform. You decide.
Thursday, March 28, 2024

Dear Mediocre,

How do I find a way to relax while studying adequately at the same time?

- Chem Major

Chem Major,

Relax is an interesting word that is certainly not affiliated with being a student — a chem major nonetheless. Now, while I can’t recommend the use of recreational drugs, I can recommend one of my favorite study spots: The Swamp in July. If you’re a football fan, it’s even better. Nothing says relaxing like trying to balance three textbooks on your knees while losing five pounds of water weight due to profuse sweating. Make sure to sit in the student section. It’s rumored that Coach Mac sits out there and contemplates his game plan before training sessions. Consider those seats kissed by the Gator gods.

If you’re like me, then you like background noise while you study. What could be better than hearing stadium runners pant and groan while they hustle toward their goal weight? I find it therapeutic. Make sure to stare at them from time to time. It’s not creepy at all. It’s encouraging.

Good luck,

Mediocre

Dear Mediocre,

What’s the best place to grab a burger?

- Starving

Starving,

Enjoy what you're reading? Get content from The Alligator delivered to your inbox

With Gainesville being known for delicious gourmet eateries, as well as hole-in-the-wall grub hubs, the answer to this question is clear as night: Burger King. Hello? It’s called Burger KING for a reason. Clearly the cheap, greasy, meatless patties reign supreme in the burger universe. The Burger King on Archer has a fancy faux-fireplace and everything — just don’t order a milkshake. Their machine never works.

Ta,

Mediocre

Dear Mediocre,

I’m fed up with my roommates. They let bags of trash accumulate. They eat my food. They even throw away my food. WHAT DO I DO?! How do I get them to stop?

Sincerely,

- Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

We’ve all been the victims of inconsiderate roommates at least once in our lives — even if that roommate is a cat. Living with others is never easy, especially if you’re a spineless crybaby. Lucky for you, I’ve got the perfect payback recipe, which includes liquid laxatives and some Nair.

Remember, if it doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s OK.

If garbage is piling up, then start a landfill in his or her bedroom. Separate your roommate’s trash from yours, and have it waiting when your roommate gets home from a long day. Nothing says “home sweet home” like the smell of rotting eggs.

If your roommate is eating your food, lace the most sought-after items with laxatives. This will work especially well if you have more than one suspect in mind. You’ll be able to pinpoint the culprit by the number of flushes per hour.

Side note: Buy air freshener.

Lastly, if things escalate too far, then stop by your local pharmacy, find the hair removal section and pick up some Nair. Put it in your roommate’s conditioner, and wait until you hear the high-pitch shrieks of horror. Checkmate.

Bottom line? Fight fire with fire. If your roommate gets you, get that person back.

Good luck,

Mediocre

Send your questions to mediocre.alligator.advice@gmail.com.

 

Support your local paper
Donate Today
The Independent Florida Alligator has been independent of the university since 1971, your donation today could help #SaveStudentNewsrooms. Please consider giving today.

Powered by SNworks Solutions by The State News
All Content © 2024 The Independent Florida Alligator and Campus Communications, Inc.