Alligator

About two weeks ago, I bought a new bicycle. I can be seen spastically maneuvering around campus, maxing at 10 mph and periodically falling flat on my uncoordinated ass. The whole experience has been exhilarating, but it became enlightening a few days ago when I took a trip to Walmart.

Never take good porn for granted.

Despite the fact that we attend a university with nearly 50,000 students, Gainesville is not a metropolitan haven that you can have anonymous sex with a stranger who you'll never see again. Rather, I'd argue that you might have difficulty swinging a weight at Southwest Recreation Center without knocking over two people you've previously "exercised" with. The solution? Pack, make for the border (of another state) and indulge in a weekend vacation.

A good friend of mine was recently in need of a "sexy librarian" outfit for a costume party and requested my expertise in locating the appropriately slut-tastic attire. After some shopping, I ensured that my friend was sexed up in a button-down blouse, tight-fitting pencil skirt, yellow Calvin Klein glasses, six-inch black heels and a neon blue corset. Weeks later I discovered that her supposed costume party was actually a party for two to indulge the fantasies of her nerdy boyfriend.