You’re deep asleep. You went to bed at 3 a.m. — still on your Winter Break sleeping schedule — when you hear it: that all too familiar beep beep beeping of your phone alarm. No, it’s not a bad dream. You really are looking at the questionably beige-colored ceiling of your dorm room. It’s the first day of the Spring semester. And you better book it because your chem lecture started five minutes ago.
You grab the first sweatshirt you can find out of your not-yet unpacked suitcase and run out the door. You stumble into your lecture hall, the room dead silent, save for the professor already explaining a formula that resembles hieroglyphics more than anything in the English language. You make your way through the aisle of seats made only for the human equivalent of Flat Stanley when you knock over a backpack that was perched at the edge of your classmate’s desk. It hits the ground with a resounding thud.
The professor turns to look you straight in the eye. He asks you what the name of the equation is on the board. You start to panic. With 300 pairs of eyes on you, you blurt out the only thing in your mind…
Darts and Laurels
Yes, we’re back to deliver some well-deserved darts and laurels, and maybe, just maybe, the government will take a lesson out of our book: It’s time to come back from break.
A dart goes out to our government and President Donald Trump for continuing the government shutdown, which will become the longest in United States history if it continues into Saturday. It’s time to get back to business and stop the partisan fighting. However, a laurel goes out to all of the government workers who continue to work without pay during this shutdown. Workers are going on day 21 without pay, forcing them to stretch their dollar further than may be possible.
In other government news, a laurel goes out to more than a million felons who are now allowed to vote in Florida during the next election season. Formerly incarcerated Floridians received their right to vote after the November election and will reap the benefits during this new year. A dart goes out to anyone who isn’t utilizing their right to vote. The next election will be here before you know it, so you better be registered.
As we travel south in Florida, we look to Gov. Ron DeSantis who just recently called for the resignation of the entire board of the South Florida Water Management District, all of whom are in charge of managing water from Orlando to the Florida Keys. After a year of Florida waterways struggling with algae blooms and run-off pollution, we see the need for a change in regards to our waterways and its management. We offer, albeit surprisingly, a laurel to DeSantis for taking Florida’s environment seriously. He announced a plan that included an extra $1 billion for Everglades restoration. However, we should mention, although his environmental plan is progressive, it makes no mention of the term “climate change,” or human involvement in environmental issues. We’ll be keeping an eye out for our governor in the coming years to see how his plans pan out.
In other, more positive UF news, our Gator family got a just a little bigger Thursday when UF royalty Tim Tebow announced his engagement to the 2017 Miss Universe Winner Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters in Jacksonville. A laurel to the happy couple and a warm welcome to Demi-Leigh Nel-Peters to the Gator Nation. We’re looking forward to the blue-and-orange themed wedding.