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(08/12/19 10:16am)
The beads of sweat drop down your face and burn as they slide into your eye. You are finally done moving into your new dorm. Even though you are from Florida, you have never experienced heat like this. The dorm is nice...-ish. But it will do. Nothing can get you down. It’s your first week of college and you’re about to meet your roommate who you met on an online forum. As they knock on the door, you ask yourself, “How weird could they be?” You open the door and a strange saying is plastered across their shirt....
(08/07/19 11:28pm)
Move out day is here. The cardboard boxes clutter your room in a claustrophobic way. You start to see the appeal in minimalism as you cram the umpteenth box with the umpteenth useless piece of junk. The floors are bare. The walls lack personality. It is time to say goodbye to your favorite corner of the apartment where all the spiders hang out. You take one of the Comfort Color T-shirts that now serves you no use and cry into it. After five minutes of bawling your eyes out, you lift your head and look into the shirt. You don’t remember what function you got it from, but the tear stains spell something out...
(08/06/19 12:16am)
In 24 hours, 31 people were killed in mass shootings in Dayton, Ohio, and El Paso, Texas.
(08/01/19 12:22am)
"It’s graduation time, baby,” you think to yourself. But you’re not just any regular baby. You're about to be a grown-up baby with a degree. Everyone usually decorates the top of their grad cap, and you decide to take part as well. What’s one more sign of conformity this far down the road? But time is money, and you don’t have either. So you coerced some student artist to do it for dirt cheap. You beat the system: scammed someone out of getting the money they deserved for their art and saved yourself time and frustration. Your newly designed cap comes in the mail. You’re shocked by what the artist has done. It's horrible. It’s nothing you asked for. It’s…
(07/30/19 12:51am)
Sunday night, a teenage gamer became a multi-millionaire and also a Fortnite World Cup champion. Sixteen-year-old Kyle “Bugha” Giersdorf beat 99 other players, and in doing so, became the game’s first solo world champion. He won $3 million. And although he didn’t ask, we have a few ideas about how he should spend it.
(07/25/19 11:16am)
The last thing you want to do right now is go outside, but your dog needs a walk. You grab the leash, clip it to your furry friend’s collar and get ready for the heat and humidity to hit. It’s actually not too bad today, so you feel you might give your dog the walk she deserves. Two miles later, you return to your apartment feeling accomplished and worthy of calling yourself an above average pet owner. As you get to the pathetic, small grass area around your apartment, you can’t believe your eyes. Someone “forgot” to pick up after their dog. The worse part: it kind of spells something out….
(07/23/19 1:30pm)
The internet’s resident troll has struck again, this time in our very own Turlington Plaza. If you’re lucky, you’ve never heard of him. If you have, you probably wish you had not. Instagram user Supreme Patty posted a video on Saturday of him smoking a bong in front of Marston Library as a UPD patrol car rolls in the background. Although the video may have you believe the 20-year-old Daytona Beach, Florida, native was smoking weed, UF Public Safety tweeted “it was oregano...”
(07/18/19 1:40am)
Your face reflects off the shiny wooden counter wet with spilled drink. “Is that really what I look like?,” you think to yourself. Somehow you’ve found yourself in a deserted bar. There’s some sort of “deal” going on that isn’t really a deal at all. The drink prices are barely any different, and the deal is canceled if you only want one drink because there's a card minimum. What is this, the 90’s? If you don’t leave now, you’ll spend more money you don’t have on subpar food and drink you don’t need. You leave a tip and sign your receipt. As you do the math, you see something doesn't add up. The price is too low. The bartender forgot to charge you for half of your order, then you see it on the bottom of the receipt…
(07/15/19 11:44pm)
Get your hiking shoes on and perfect your “Naruto run” because in another case of ‘the internet made me do it,’ it looks like we are raiding Area 51.
(07/11/19 10:36am)
Swimming until your fingertips form mountain ridges, reading library books as the regularly scheduled rain pings at your window and napping with the smell of sunscreen lotion lingering on your cool sheets are just a few of the childhood summer mementos we hold close to our sunburnt hearts. Just because you have summer classes doesn’t mean you can’t tap into a youthful experience with exploration and adventure in a town most students only get to know in their adult life. Here are our favorite (somewhat) hidden gems and summer pastimes.
(07/09/19 11:35am)
Your body has an annoying amount of cortisol running through it. Your neighbors (a loose term used for anyone who lives in a mile radius of you) have been setting off fireworks at random times in the night for what seems like days. The stress hormone is taking its toll. Your fuse is getting shorter as more fireworks lose theirs. It’s been almost a week since the Fourth, so you decide to use the freedom your forefathers fought for and give these pyrotechnic enthusiasts a piece of your mind. You walk out the door and look up to see the fireworks spell something out. It says…
(07/02/19 12:07am)
Summer B marks the halfway point of summer session, but for most of the fresh faces on campus, this is just the beginning. With beginnings come the transition period of figuring out what the hell is going on in this humid, and at times bizarre, place we call Gainesville. Your high school shenanigans may or may not have prepared you for this whirlwind six weeks of learning. The Editorial Board has a combined 14 years of experience on UF’s campus so take it from us…
(06/20/19 10:47am)
The time has come to leave this ghost town and return a week later when it’s renewed with young, innocent, naive and hopeful life. It's time to prepare yourself for Summer B. During this interlude you will use the time off to recenter your chakras, align your aura and detox all the negative energy you have toward the younger students who have not had their spirits crushed yet. You refuse to be the crotchety upperclassman who looks upon the younglings with jealousy and a mild tinge of second-hand embarrassment as they send you into a spiral of your own freshman flashbacks. You have taken up meditation in a bid to prepare for the second half of summer madness. You’re breathing in and out. Letting all your thoughts go. Then it pops into your mind…
(06/18/19 10:45am)
On Monday, Kyle Kashuv, a Parkland shooting survivor, said Harvard rescinded his admission after screenshots showed him using racial slurs in late 2017 and early 2018. Earlier this year, the 18-year old high school outreach director for Turning Point USA (a conservative non-profit student organization) was admitted to the university class of 2023.
(06/13/19 11:36am)
It’s the weekend, or at least your definition of it, as you only have class three days a week. It’s road trip time, so you set your coordinates to someplace south of here and burn the dinosaur fuel to get there. But instead of hitting rain, your car comes in contact with something superiorly worse: lovebugs, aka one of the plagues not mentioned in Exodus. You must have killed a hundred a minute driving on the highway. And when you reach your destination you see your damage. “Weird…,” you think to yourself. The bugs’ dead bodies seem to spell something out….
(06/11/19 10:17am)
We get it, you drink. Maybe it’s because it's summer and there’s nothing better to do in Gainesville. Maybe everyone just so happened to turn 21 all around the same time in an uncanny way that makes you wonder if everyone in this town is a Gemini. Regardless, the influx of flaunting binge drinking is all the same, and people joking about being “suuuuuuch alcoholics” is lame. Whether the statement is hyperbolic or not, people who’ve dealt with alcoholism probably find these claims eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-the-head worthy.
(06/06/19 12:15am)
Your one class of the day is finally done. Of course, the sky is dumping water down like the ground is on fire. “It’s just water. Stop being over dramatic,” you tell yourself. The impatient energy gets to you. It’s time to run. You push off the wet floor, but there is no traction. You slip and hit your head. You stare up in the sky and instead of stars you see…
(06/03/19 11:40pm)
Aliens have fascinated humans since the discovery of space. E.T., ALF, Spock and Marvin the Martian are just a few of the extraterrestrial characters from humanity’s imagination. The human perception of aliens goes to show how dedicated we are to the unknown little (or very big) guys way out in space. At least this seemed to be the case until recently.
(05/30/19 8:56pm)
You finally scraped together enough money to buy a flight out of Orlando.
(05/28/19 12:52am)
There’s no written rulebook to social media. But human’s knack for teetering between conformity and individuality has resulted in a set of unspoken social media guidelines the college-aged population seems to follow.