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Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Opinion | Darts Laurels

Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels

You slowly make your way into the Marston Science Library Starbucks, sleep-deprived and in desperate need of your favorite holiday beverage: the pumpkin spice latte. Yes, dear readers, it’s back.


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - April 14, 2017

The world swarms around us, and yet we tightly clutch our Study Edge packets and scrounge for seats in Library West, focused on the finish line that we see so clearly. For some of us, this is the final countdown — just a few more days until we must face the real world and all it holds, good and bad. For others, this is just another push to the finish line before we start the next lap. Either way, this is the hardest part of the race. It’s bittersweet, though, as we present to you this semester’s final…


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - April 6, 2017

There’s supposed to be a witty introduction here. It’s supposed to be a short paragraph and elicit a bit of a smile or chuckle from you, dear readers, depending on how expressive you’re feeling today. But it’s that last stretch of the semester, so chances are the best we’re going to get out of you is a slight nod, maybe a twitch of the mouth in the upward direction. We’re just going to leave it at this and invite you to read the week’s…


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - March 31, 2017

It’s the home stretch, Gators. Graduating seniors are counting off the last few weeks of their college careers. Others are gritting their teeth and trying to make it to summer. With less than a month left of this Spring semester, every responsibility, every deadline, every little grade point is piling up, and now’s the time that makes us or breaks us. If you’re sitting in lecture now, trying to pay attention, but really just thinking of your summer abroad, why not pretend to be doing something more favorable than daydreaming and turn to this week’s...


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - March 24, 2017

Gainesville does not like to do things halfway, and allergy season is no exception. If you’re one of the lucky few who suffer from seasonal allergies, you are probably familiar with this time of year. If you’re a freshman who did not realize just how potent the pollen levels in Gainesville get, well, you live, you learn, you buy 10 packs of tissues at a time from P.O.D. Market. But hang in there allergy sufferers — only a few more weeks until the air is full of moisture and heat instead of pollen! Meanwhile, tune in to this week’s recap of non-pollen related news with...


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: March 17, 2017

Ah, St. Patrick’s Day. The day when most Americans will proudly thump their chests, claim distant Irish heritage (yes, we get it Karen, your great-great-great-great grand-mother was Irish) and raise a pint to the air, singing what they think sounds like an Irish folk song. There may be shamrocks and green glitter involved. If you’re trapped in lecture and counting down the hours to your own St. Patty’s Day celebration, take a moment to prepare your toasts for tonight and go over this week’s...


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - March 3, 2017

If you’re reading this, then your Spring Break probably hasn’t started yet. Or maybe it has, and while your friends are off on their expensive cruises or visiting their parents, you’re in good ol’ Gainesville. Or maybe you’re a dedicated student and are determined to show up to lecture with the five other people in the 200-person hall. Whatever it is, we are honored that on this blessed final day before Spring Break, you’ve decided to pick up a copy of your local newspaper and flip open to the pre-Spring Break…


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - February 24, 2017

Now that we’re at the end of Student Government election week, let’s get together and reflect on other important events. And if you’re going, “Election? That happened?” you’re not alone, so we will take this time to gather ‘round a metaphorical camp re and catch up on what’s been happening, locally and nationally, in this week’s edition of...


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - February 17, 2017

As the rush of Valentine’s Day week ends, bouquets of dead flowers start to show up in trash cans, and those little helium balloons are starting to take up space. Perhaps you stocked up on chocolates, or you’re going through the large box you were given. Either way, the one holiday to look forward to in February (unless you’re really enthusiastic about Presidents Day) has passed, and now there’s only Spring Break to look forward to. That is, unless, you have grabbed a copy of our dear newspaper and flipped open to this week’s …


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - February 3, 2017

It’s hour eight in Library West. (Or is it hour nine? You cannot recall.) Your vision is hazy. You’re on your third cold-brew of the night, although by now it’s earlier morning. Your blue Study Edge notes are littered around, and the student from across the table from you groans and plops his head down on his textbook. He is lost. There is no recovery. You know you are next. Frantically, you turn away from your notes, trying to find anything that’s not Physics 2, and your eyes come across this week’s…


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels - January 27, 2017

First off, President Donald Trump has passed a handful of contentious executive actions within his first week in office. These range from cutting federal funds to organizations that provide or “promote” abortions overseas to ordering the construction of two highly controversial oil pipelines, the Dakota Access and Keystone XL pipelines. If there was a way to even further alienate the half of the country that did not vote for him, boy did he do that. All the claims of “Give him a chance!” seem a little too late right now. The extreme things that half of the country feared the most — the ones they were told would not happen — well, it looks like they’re happening. So a dart through all 12 executive orders or memoranda Trump has signed so far.


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: January 20, 2017

We’ll start off with some trivial internet culture stories. Zoo Miami humanely euthanized one of their gorillas this week — their 49-year-old matriarch, Josephine, the grandmother of internet-sensation Harambe. Really, 2017? You’re going to hit us with that right off the bat? Please, internet, don’t turn this one into a 6-month-long meme. Thankfully, Josephine was laid to rest peacefully after years of failing health. But we throw a dart at the universe for setting 2017 off with another gorilla death just as we begged it for no more shenanigans.


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: January 13, 2017

It’s Friday the 13th, and you know what that means — avoid all cracks, don’t walk under any ladders and turn around when the hoard of black cats crosses your path. It’s time to stock up on four-leaf clovers and rabbit feet (or whatever the vegan alternative to rabbit feet is) and toss salt over your shoulder. But if you’re running away from a man in a hockey mask, make sure to flip your newspaper open and prepare yourself for the Friday the 13th edition of...


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: September 22, 2016

You’re sitting on the edge of a river bank, staring intently into your reflection. Minnows swim in circles around the reflection of yourself. You feel the soft breeze blow across your face, rustling the leaves of the trees behind you. It sounds like the wind is whispering something. You turn around and try to listen. Unable to make it out, you turn back to look at your reflection. To your horrid surprise, it’s gone. You feel a slimy tap on your shoulder. It’s your reflection, wet and covered in minnows. “Darts & Laurels,” it says to you. Leaning closer and closer, it says one last time before disappearing…


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: September 9, 2016

Life is strange. The future is unpredictable. You find that scary. You seek answers everywhere, but the more you discover, the less you know. The confusion slowly dissipates, and fear starts to take its place. All hope seems lost. In the darkness, you see a flicker of light. With curiosity ablaze you chase after the glimmer, and as you grow nearer and nearer you stumble upon the Friday edition of the Independent Florida Alligator. In it, you find something that makes everything okay. That something is…


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: Thursday May 12, 2016

One of the challenges for us in assigning current events with a dart or a laurel is the fact that there is just so much to talk about. Economies across the globe may be in recession, but we never seem to run short on our supply of ridiculousness. Experts are saying its market value is at an all-time high. So, with all of the ups and downs in recent world news, we’d like to bring you a more international segment: “Dartos y Laurel-schteinem?” We digress.


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: 04/08/2016

What a week it’s been, readers. We’ve got presidential candidates throwing shade at one another, Gainesville residents yelling at Florida governors in Starbucks, Star Wars Easter eggs and secrets circling our social media — and oh, yes, finals week rapidly approaching to wreak havoc on our precious grades. But in the meantime, thank you, readers, for tuning into our vain attempt at making sense of the world, our long-winded banter, our latest segment of…


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: 04/01/2016

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, or so it seems, we students returned from Spring Break and told ourselves “we have plenty of time” until the end of the semester. 


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: 03/25/2016

It’s been a difficult week, readers. We’ve seen tragedies both at home and abroad, and many of us are still reeling in the aftermath. But as the saying goes: Today is a new day filled with hope and opportunity. So thank you, readers, for tuning into our optimistic look forward, our lighthearted musings, our latest segment of….


Florida Alligator
OPINION  |  DARTS LAURELS

Darts & Laurels: 03/11/2016

Getting back into the swing of things after a week off is usually extremely difficult. It’s hard to wake up for those 7:25 a.m. classes, pull all-nighters and eat Top Ramen after a week of sleeping in until noon, lounging by the pool or beach and eating home-cooked meals — that is, if you went home. 


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