You are woken up by the sound of your parents and grandparents chatting loudly and energetically over coffee at the kitchen table and the smell of pies being prepped for baking. You’re still tired, but you get out of bed anyway so you don’t miss any of the family fun.

You sluggishly pour yourself a cup of coffee and listen to your mother tell you how great it is to have you home. After an hour or two of pleasantries, your father declares it’s time to get to work and start cooking. There is only one problem — someone forgot to buy a turkey.

You and your grandmother are tasked with finding a turkey and hastily search every grocery store within a 20-mile radius. Nothing. They are all sold out.

Luckily, you remember hearing about a farm nearby where your friend’s family gets their turkey fresh every year. A little creepy — you thought initially — but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Once you and your grandmother arrive at the farm, the farmer invites you to pick out a turkey you’d like. Still a little bit spooked by the entire situation, you meander your way toward the fenced-in area where the birds are held.

While investigating the birds, you realize one seems to be looking at you, as if it wants to talk to you. Sure enough, it opens its beak and says:

Darts & Laurels

This past week, unfortunately, has left us with plenty of darts to choose from. The first and most obvious dart we’ve been struck with are the numerous sexual assault allegations coming out against prominent politicians and high-profile celebrities. It feels like lately every time we get a news notification on our phones or check Twitter, another pedophile is being dubbed.

While it is disheartening and troublesome to learn the reality behind people we may have once looked up to, these allegations have oddly gifted us with a laurel at the same time. Although the discourse about assault has become rather trying to endure, we are pleased to see it is finally getting the attention it deserves. In terms of politicians, many prominent Republicans have called for Roy Moore’s removal from the Alabama Senate. For actors like Kevin Spacey, Netflix has stopped production of his show “House of Cards” despite the popularity and business it brought to the company. Hollywood tycoons like Harvey Weinstein have been removed from companies they spent much of their lives building up.

Many of the allegations that have surfaced in recent weeks are decades old. Nonetheless, they are being treated with merit and taken seriously. We are so proud about the way the public has reacted to the many allegations coming to light.

In Washington, however, our commander in chief continues to disappoint us. President Donald Trump announced Wednesday the remains of elephants legally hunted in African nations such as Zimbabwe and Zambia can now be imported to the U.S. as trophies. His decree reverses a ban started by former President Barack Obama to increase conservation efforts.

Trump has also forced America to leave the Paris climate agreement, making us the only nation in the world who is not in agreement with it. His moves in terms of conversation are both embarrassing and petrifying. Per usual, Trump has granted us our last dart of the week.

Thankfully, one laurel we all have to look forward to is less than one week away. We soon get to sit around a table with our closest friends and family and stuff our faces with turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie.

With finals looming over us and a State of the Union that isn’t so favorable, we could all use the distraction of a family holiday.