There's something special about pick-up basketball.
Maybe it's the fact that it's so easy to organize and play. Only have four people and one hoop in somebody's driveway? Play some 2-on-2. Ten people and a full court? Even better.
What's also great about pick-up hoops, especially in an environment like UF, is the idea that anyone can play, even those who have never played the sport before. People develop their own style, their own personality on the court. And while your kindergarten teacher was just being nice by telling you everyone is unique, those personalities tend to fit into several general stereotypes.
So with that in mind, I'd like to present a few of the most common archetypes you'll see in a pick-up basketball game. Obviously, this is not a full list. These are just some of my personal favorites.
The Timebomb: These players make their presence felt about 3 seconds after the game starts. They thought you went over the back when you got that rebound over them. Tick. You totally fouled their teammate on that layup. Tick tick. As a teammate, they are greatly offended by your shot selection. Tick tick tick. They mutter to themselves throughout most of the game, notably after every foul or instance of excessive contact. Tick tick tick tick. Finally, they explode. Anything could provoke the reaction - from a moving screen on them to a teammate's 14th straight missed runner in the lane - but you feel the results in their expletive-laden rant. Sometimes it's just one four-letter word screamed so loudly that it could be heard from Southwest Rec to the O'Connell Center. But The Timebomb always goes off.
The High School Star: They're often marked by their jerseys - primarily the fact that they still wear them. They're generally running the point or making the paint their home away from home. These players are just a little out of your league, and they tend to alter the outcome of every game they play. The High School Star probably has a 146-2 record and averages 7 points per 11-point game in their trips to the gym just because they're almost always the best player in every game. They're your favorite and least favorite person to play with - you always win, but it's usually their victory, not yours.
The Conduit: A friend described this type of player to be similar to Ben Wallace, just 14 inches shorter and less talented on defense. The Conduit is, as the name implies, just a means of transmitting the ball from one player to another. In a way, The Conduit may be doing your team a favor by passing up shots and keeping the ball moving. Or maybe they're just nervous to endure the humiliation of an attempted three that ricochets wildly off the top of the backboard. Then again, maybe they're just the consummate teammate and enjoy "team" success more than individual accolades.
The Mad Bomber: No shot is out of The Mad Bomber's range, but these players are not particularly efficient 3-point shooters. Two out of 10 from behind the arc is good enough to justify The Mad Bomber's never-ending barrage of treys. They are the bane of your existence when you're on their team. You've got a wide-open layup, but The Mad Bomber opts for the 27-footer with a hand in their face instead.
The Assassin: They take you by surprise with their talent. The Assassin is dressed just like you, wears the same off-the-Foot-Locker-shelves shoes as you and jokes around off the court just like you. This generally leads to a mediocre defender picking to guard The Assassin, a decision the defender will come to regret after one trip down the court. Unlike The High School Star, they don't call home to their dad after a good night of pick-up hoops to report on their success, but their talent is a welcome surprise. Physically, they tend to be in shape but relatively unassuming - probably the third or fourth pick in most pick-up games. In extreme cases, they're out of shape but have the basketball IQ of Al Horford to make up for it.
So, take some time to ponder which of these archetypes you most closely identify with (I tend to lean toward being The Conduit) and keep an eye out for these players during your next trip to Southwest Rec or your local court.
Just don't foul The Timebomb.
