Four-day weeks just aren’t conducive to getting work done.
We’re already procrastinating on our assignments as though our bodies came back from the long weekend but our minds are still gone.
In the spirit of getting back on the right track, we present the we-swear-we’ll-get-cracking-on-that-project-unless-there’s-a-new-episode-of-our-favorite-show-on-Hulu edition of...Darts & Laurels
Because it’s too early to fall off the wagon.
Actually, it’s too early to do anything — or so we thought as we stumbled through campus before the birds found it acceptable to chirp.
We’re night owls, so you might expect us to welcome any news from our favorite caffeine addiction-enabling, mermaid-friendly corporation.
However, a stomach-exploding, palpitation-inducing nightmare of a cup of joe sounds nearly lethal, not to mention unappealing.
With that wonderful image in mind, we’re launching a we’d-love-to-meet-the-company-executive-who-thought-this-was-a-good-idea DART at Starbucks’ new Trenta coffee size.
Who could stomach 31 ounces of java?
Gastronomic gurus have better ways to annihilate their bellies anyway.
For coming to the rescue of one of our favorite local business owners, we’re tossing a people-should-pay-just-to-watch-Otis-Britt-concoct-those-crazy-meals LAUREL to Gator Dawgs customers.
We’re still staying away from the Bull Dawg, though. It sounds brutal, much like Sunday’s gracious Golden Globes host.
We’re always for some snark, especially when the target is used to being surrounded by flocks of yes-men.
Some movie stars seem to grow like weeds in a world where everyone else gets cut down to size on a regular basis.
For effectively roasting the Hollywood elite when they were expecting the usual unfunny sycophancy, we’re bestowing a thanks-for-putting-a-stop-to-the-smoke-blowing-faster-than-an-anti-tobacco-campaign LAUREL upon Ricky Gervais.
Now we hope the celebrities and talk shows will man up and stop whining about the performance like spoiled children.
Not to say we’re above throwing temper tantrums. In fact, we almost had an episode this week.
Disney announced its official plans to revamp part of the Magic Kingdom on Wednesday. The women among us ate up the news about princess-themed areas and new rides. But our happiness came to an abrupt halt: The new section will begin opening in late 2012. The disappointment was palpable.
Then we remembered we’re college students, not preschoolers.
Therefore, we have no choice but to chuck an only-you-can-make-us-revert-to-our-seven-year-old-selves DART at Disney for proving our parents right about the inevitability of nostalgia.
Great, now we feel old in addition to lazy.
Until next time, here’s wishing you a productive weekend, Gators.
As for us, don’t count on it.
