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(08/01/13 12:40am)
When I first made the decision to fast for Ramadan, I did so to foster a sense of camaraderie with my students. In my mind — foolish and well-intentioned as it is — I had assumed that as I entered class each day, those of us who were fasting would smile and nod knowingly to each other as though we were part of some secret.
(07/24/13 11:21pm)
The last time I attended Mass, I was 14 years old. It was Easter Sunday. As we left the church and wandered cow-like into the afternoon sun, my family was overtaken by a mob of Stepford Catholics who wanted everyone to share what they’d given up for Lent that year. Answers were fairly uniform and equal in negligibility (chocolate, soda, dessert, soda, whiskey, chocolate, chocolate, ad infinitum).
(07/10/13 11:14pm)
Gainesville’s monsoon season is in full swing, and that means it’s time for indoor yoga, time to curl up with a decent book or time to induce cerebral atrophy by being sucked into a Netflix marathon. This article is for those interested in the latter.
(07/10/13 11:02pm)
There are several reactions you can elicit from a person to indicate that you have asked him or her a stupid question. He might (1) chortle at you; (2) sneer at you and sneak a sideways glance at his nearest compatriot to make sure that he, too, is in on the inside joke that has just become yourself; or he might (3) simply unhinge his lower jaw so it hangs in the air like the mouth of a hooded pitcher plant. When I asked the front desk of the Florida Museum of Natural History to see the “Botanical Chords: The Art and Science of Plants and Cells” exhibit, I was granted reaction number three.
(06/05/13 11:43pm)
For the past several months now, my Facebook newsfeed has been clogged with the laments of “The Walking Dead” and “Game of Thrones” fans who complain mostly about the same thing: the injustice of the fact the season finales of their beloved shows end with cliff hangers.
(04/18/13 1:45am)
Before I start this article, I want to tell you something: Going around and asking people if they’re familiar with “revenge porn” does not make you popular.
(03/28/13 1:30am)
Last August, I was working in Cologne, Germany, when I approached the hostess stand of an outdoor drinking area and asked, in my best possible German, “Ist das ein Biergarten?” (Worth noting: I speak terrible German.)
(02/28/13 1:00am)
Researchers last week succeeded in fueling the fire for more freshman composition papers when they revealed that excessive TV watching may lead to an increase in the potential for criminal behavior.
(02/14/13 2:30am)
Before you read this album review, I should explain something: I am a huge Matt Pond fan. I discovered Matt Pond about six years ago in my years between high school and college.
(11/15/12 12:45am)
Calvin Harris' new album, "18 months," is likely the most exhausting listening experience I've undergone in 2012. I say this because of the music's free association with drinking, dancing, leg cramps and heat stroke, conducive to the environment in which you might find yourself listening to Calvin Harris, which would be in, or en route to, a nightclub.
(10/25/12 1:00am)
In the first week of November of last year, I kissed an owl. She was not an owl when I kissed her, though she was when I met her, and, at that point, I’d still thought of her as a reflection of the costume she wore.
(10/11/12 1:15am)
The first time I listened to The Wallflowers, I was nine years old. The significance of this is that for the first time music really affected me.
(09/27/12 12:30am)
Well, cold and flu season is back, and we all know what that means: For the next few months your life will resonate the general theme of a horror movie. Allow me to elaborate.
(09/06/12 12:15am)
Years ago, when I was a tone-deaf musician, what I hated more than anything was the question: Who do you sound like? Panicked, I would flip back and forth between bands in my head, and list who I borrowed from: guitars this, lyrics that, keyboards this. When people expressed further confusion, I said defensive and overblown things like, “Sound is a concept, man.”
(08/30/12 12:15am)
1882: Gender-neutral historical figure Toni Labor sought to free the American worker from the shackles of the American work-week that, at its inception, continued for 365 days in a row. Tasks included, but were not limited to, beating rocks together and collecting goat and human sacrifices as offerings to the evil dragon who oversaw production atop Mt. Drudgery. Americans refered to the dragon as “Grover.” Toni Labor succeeded in slaying the dragon with a cardboard sign that read: “Seriously Grover, my feet are killing me,” and Americans celebrated by cooking the dragon over a fire. The Labor Day barbeque tradition was born.
(08/23/12 12:26am)
For the past several hours, I’ve been staring at the drop/add page on my computer screen the way a drunk person watches the rotation of a gas station hot dog: with a mixture of hunger and disgust. Not five minutes goes by before I reclick the page’s refresh button, only to find myself seconds later cursing the heavens and shouting, “Buddha, Jesus, Athena! WHY!?,” knowing full well that somewhere in Gainesville, at that exact moment, some jerk is laughing because he has the class I want, and he knows it.
(08/15/12 12:15am)
So, congratulations are in order, New Student, as the moment you’ve been waiting for since first opening your acceptance letter is finally here. You’re living on your own in a college town, wild and unencumbered, free to do whatever you want with your time. And it is your time. Only, as Seneca mused long before you in his essay “De Brevitate Vitae,” your time is too precious to be wasted in your apartment drinking the warm Natty Light purchased for you by an older sibling or the “cool guy” who lives across the hall. But don’t worry, I know what you’re thinking. You’re worried about how to spend your first few weeks in Gainesville. You know, before you find the graphic design major willing to print you a convincing enough fake ID saying you’re from some small town in Iowa that a door guy won’t know enough to ask questions about? Well, fear not, my little, chickadees. The good news is there’s plenty to do in Gainesville, and the even better news is I’m going to recommend one of those things to you right now.