Ticket scalpers should have some heart
I want to apologize. There's been something eating away at me, and I have to get it off my chest.
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I want to apologize. There's been something eating away at me, and I have to get it off my chest.
The other day, Gov. Charlie Crist rubbed his magic funding bottle and a little legislative genie popped out and granted him one wish. Unfortunately, Charlie exchanged his other two wishes for visits to a tanning salon.
Months ago, I took a vow of abstinence, and I failed. That is, I failed to abstain from my constant use of Facebook.
Who's in the know about nooses in the news? Probably fewer people than the number who know about Britney Spears and Tasers.
Finally, there's peace. The dust has cleared. We're putting the horror and the carnage of war behind us. Seventeen Magazine has called a cease-fire in the war with our body images.
Over the past few days, the Alligator has featured columns about virginity - virginity in terms of sex and adulthood. Let's address birth control. Let's discuss specifics of the pre-nasty. There's no virginal talk in this column.
Today was a bad day. I failed another assignment. I missed the bus and got caught in the rain. I argued with my family. I stubbed my toe. The Reitz Union Food Court was out of spicy sushi rolls.
Because I could not stop for voting, it kindly stopped for me. Oh, Emily Dickinson's famous words will forever linger in my mind. Actually, I think it was traffic. Traffic kindly stopped for her, right?
It's big, fat and slow. It's never there for you when you need it. It shows up at the most awkward of times. It's very gassy. It's not your ex-significant other. "It" is the Regional Transit System.
I know everyone just can't stop talking about their new favorite expression, "Don't Tase me, bro." As much fun as it would be to tackle this obviously worthy issue, or not, I'm sick of it.
I want everyone to know that Jesus had absolutely nothing to do with my success as a writer.
Imagine two fairly built girls returning from lacrosse practice at Southwest Recreation Center. They exit the gym with another male student and carry their heavy equipment toward the bus stop. Upon reaching the bus stop, the weather takes a turn for the worse and rain starts pouring down on the girls.
I heard through the Greekvine that the Greek community needs a makeover. Apparently some silly television show filled with sex and sex and beer - oh my! - bruised their peach-like reputation. I put together some slogans for them. Here's my top sorority slogan: "To-ga, to-ga, to-gather under the bonds of sisterhood is a wonderful idea." It says, "We're a little formal, but we're here for the party, too." They can thank me later.
Warning - this column may contain absurd, random song lyrics. You may be under investigation for illegally downloading music on campus. And wait, you may be one of the students or personnel the Recording Industry Association of America plans to serve with a lawsuit. "I don?t want to lose your love tonight," but UF is one of 58 universities nationwide receiving these pre-litigation letters from the RIAA as a part of its "education and deterrence campaign." Mo? illegal downloading, mo? problems.