Site: Georgia Dome (Cap. 71,228)
Kickoff: 4 p.m.
TV/Radio: CBS/Gators IMG Sports Network
Lopsided affair.
Isn’t that a fun way to say the word “blowout”?
Listen, we’re just trying to bring a small glimpse of happiness to an otherwise tedious event — no one likes to turn on their TV for a hyped-up football game only to have one team score touchdown after touchdown while the other lays a goose egg through the third quarter.
You want competitiveness.
You want highlight plays under pressure.
You want a close game with the clock ticking down and a close-up of the sweat dripping down the field-goal kicker’s face as he lines up a 55-yarder for the win.
Sadly, that’s likely not what you’ll get on Saturday.
Florida plays Alabama in the SEC Championship Game for the second-straight year this weekend, and last season the Gators lost by two touchdowns to the Crimson Tide.
This year, it’s looking to be worse: Alabama is undefeated, Florida has a wealth of injuries and the spread is 24 points in the Crimson Tide’s favor.
Or we could be totally wrong, and Florida could pull off the biggest upset in recent memory and earn a one-way ticket to the Sugar Bowl.
Debating which bowl game we’d rather travel to after the SEC title game are sports writers Ian Cohen and Ethan Bauer.
The Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl wins because…
Theoretically, I’d rather have Florida make the Sugar Bowl, so I can travel to New Orleans and explore Bourbon Street. But on the other hand, I’ve heard from sources that Buffalo Wild Wings caters the Citrus Bowl for the working media, and that is a good enough reason for me.
-Ian Cohen
The Outback Bowl wins because…
I love fried onions, and the very pinnacle of onion friery is Outback Steakhouse’s Bloomin’ Onion. That’s pretty much all there is to picking the Outback Bowl.
-Ethan Bauer
Now, onto the picks!
In first place with a 54-47-2 record is sports writer Ian “My Menorah Brings All the Boys To The Yard” Cohen, who was excited to find a miniature menorah and a kippah on his desk this Wednesday to contrast with the Alligator office’s Christmas decorations. Was teaching your assistant sports editor to say “chutzpah” in everyday conversation not enough to remind everyone of your religion, Ian? Apparently not.
In second place with a 52-49-2 record is the Gainesville Sun’s Graham “It Was Pretty All Right” Hall, who used that same phrase to describe his viewing experience while watching the new Harry Potter-themed movie, “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” the other day. Hall was even disappointed when he found out that they’re making four more movies to complete the series. How dare you speak such blasphemy, Graham.
In third place with a 49-52-2 record is GatorCountry.com’s Nick “Health Freak“ De La Torre, who we heard is jogging to Atlanta for the SEC title game instead of driving because he’d prefer to work on his cardio. You do you, Nick.
In fourth place with a 48-53-2 record is sports writer Ethan “I Learned How to Technology” Bauer, who has been excited the entire week about the fact that he learned how to design his own website for a feature story he has been working on. At least one of us learned something from our journalism classes this semester.
In fifth place with a 47-54-2 record is sports writer Patrick “I’m Still 7 Years Old” Pinak, who wrote a column comparing UF football players to cartoon characters in the movie “Space Jam” earlier this week. And after comparing Jalen Tabor to Tweety Bird, rumor has it that Tabor blocked Patrick on Twitter. That’s cold, Teez.
In sixth place with a 46-55-2 record is 247Sports.com’s Thomas “Injury Guy” Goldkamp Goldkamp, who Jim McElwain always panders to when announcing weekly injury reports. Yes, we know we’ve used this one before, but give us a break. We’re on our last legs here.
We have a tie for dead-ass last with piss-poor records of 43-58-2.
First is sports writer Jordan “Numbers Guy” McPherson, who skipped out on his copy editing shift Thursday night to drive up to Atlanta early. (The Alligator proceeds to have seven fact errors in its sports section for Friday.)
Next is the Orlando Sentinel’s Edgar “F------ Harry Potter” Thompson, who couldn’t believe his ears when he heard Graham Hall talking about the latest Harry Potter movie before football media this week. “Is this guy 11 years old?” Edgar continued, much to the dismay of Graham, who just wanted to have a friendly conversation about the movies. In hindsight, I guess we should’ve been discussing the latest Seinfeld episode, Edgar.
