She says...

Blow jobs are like presents.

If I feel like you don’t deserve a gift, there’s no way I’m putting that thing in my mouth.

That’s not to say women shouldn’t attempt to satisfy the sexual urge with oral sex, but it might make you feel uncomfortable the next day. Why is it that girls are OK with casual intercourse, but casual oral sex is always a source of regret?

Even if he wants to return the favor, oral sex makes many women wince.

At the root of every sexual relationship is a system of checks and balances. If sex wasn’t a game of power, we wouldn’t worry about being too enthusiastic in our text messages. It’s not just because we don’t want to “seem needy,” it’s because this neediness reveals the power the other person has over us.

Sex is an exchange of mutual pleasure where both parties can get something out of it. But whether you’re on your knees or leaning over him, there’s no arguing against the inherent submissiveness in this act.

When you’re getting it on with someone you care about, you are comfortable with losing control. The result is the best kind of sex -- the kind where you don’t care about putting your lips anywhere and everywhere. The kind you never regret because it is a source of intimacy.

Everyone has his or her own boundaries. Maybe you’re a satisfied virgin or you prefer to do things in a certain order (mouth now, vagina later). Either way, what matters is that you’re comfortable with your sexual choices.

There really are no rules, so I’m not ashamed to explore the quick and dirty in the name of fun. And until I once again find myself with someone I really care about, I’ll stick to being a “selfish lover.”

He says...

Bill Clinton knew what was up: Blow jobs are a boy’s best friend.

I’ve never been caught with my pants down in the Oval Office with an intern on her knees, but I have been known to arch my back against a bar’s bathroom handicap railing with my jeans around my ankles once or twice before.

Or in a pool. And definitely in the shower. And I use that whole once-or- twice thing liberally.

Oral sex has evolved to fit the idea of a handshake more than an act of intimacy. It has become a casual, name-not-necessary greeting among strangers in bars and drunken friends alike.

It has become an expectation of sorts among both short-term lovers and club queens.

The ideas of sex are becoming blurred, too.

I once had a romantic interest ask me how many people I had “hooked up with” in my life.

In a world where even our former president found difficulty in answering a similar question, a world where new sex positions invent themselves faster than new ice cream flavors and a world where blow jobs now carry little intimate significance, you can imagine my difficulty in answering that question.

The almost-casual nature of oral sex is gaining general acceptance across societal and gender lines.

Although many women and even a few men still see a blow job as submissive and as a present worth its weight in diamonds, let’s all be realistic here.

Times have changed.

Sex, however you want to think of it, doesn’t have to be a formal occasion with rules regulating what’s acceptable and what’s not.

Or it can be just the opposite. It can be everything you’ve always imagined it to be with the person you’ve always dreamed.

Whether you’re comfortable blowing an ex-boyfriend while a friend drunkenly slumbers two beds away from you or as you bear the grating pain of your bedroom carpet on your knees as you look up at your longtime lover as he smiles down at you in one of the most magical, intimate moments you’ve shared in quite some time, the decision is yours. 

I admit the best sex, oral and otherwise, is always with that special someone you care very deeply about. The result is special, meaningful and intimate.

And even if that someone is an ex who you never talk to anymore, real sex—making love—is something you can’t trade for anything.

But until that someone comes along, feel free to soak up the fun in drunken co-mingling. Don’t be scared to stumble home to casually blow, suck, lick or thrust.

And in the meantime, I’ll have the kneepads ready.

(2) comments


While Mr. Misner claims that it is unrealistic for both men and women to view blow jobs as submissive, his misogynistic attitude refutes his very premise. Times have NOT changed, at least in his world.
Mr. Misner's gloating about his position of power in bar bathrooms (gross!) and his prowess in other locations is very 1950s. If it really was a mutually enjoyable event for both him and his unfortunately inebriated partner, then why would any woman want to endure carpet burn or need knee pads? His descriptions turn what can be a mature expression of sexual pleasure into an expression of his own machismo. Grow up. Blow jobs are for men, not "boys."


It's been less than 10 years since I graduated from college and it certainly wasn't like this back then.

I'm a little disgusted with this article and it seems like a clear case of reporters stirring the pot to get attention.

I mean I was in journalism, too. Just because you CAN write about it (free speech and whatnot) doesn't mean you SHOULD. That's ethics in a nutshell. I would expect an article like this in a Cosmo or Maxim, but in a daily newspaper? Come on.

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