It is the year of open-mindedness. We have a black president, and there's a good chance we'll have our first Hispanic Supreme Court judge. States are falling to gay marriage faster than the value of the American dollar. And the number one selling genre of music in our modern times is country.
That's right folks, good ol' down home country twang is outselling pop, rock and hip-hop.
Country music may be formulaic, but that's where the beauty lies. It is an unpretentious sound that aims to pull you in to its web of comforting familiarity.
Country tells stories we can all relate to. If we can get past our initial prejudices, we may discover something beautifully relevant. Country music is the soundtrack to your life.
When you inevitably realize your major will make you about as much money as working at a drive-thru:
"Marry for Money" - Trace Adkins: A story of the male gold digger. Adkins wants to find a "sweet sugar mama, with a whole lot of zeroes and commas." He doesn't care what she looks like, or if she's too fat or old. His last line: "Come over here you good looking thing, you, there's your walker in the corner."
When the "I guess he's my boyfriend" guy comes knocking on your door at 4 a.m.:
"Don't Come Home A' Drinkin' (with lovin' on your mind)" - Loretta Lynn: The ode to the poor girl who only gets to see her "boyfriend" twice a week for three minutes of sloppy love followed by 10 hours of loud snoring. It's time to move on dear.
When your man meets a girl who you think is super hot:
"Jolene" - Dolly Parton: The sad, humbling truth that she could get him if she wanted to. Only he's a loser, so you don't really have to worry. The White Stripes do a great cover of this. Don't get too excited hipsters, that Ray LaMontagne song only shares the name.
When your boss sucks, you go on a lunch break and get wasted:
"It's 5 o'clock somewhere"- Alan Jackson and Jimmy Buffet: Probably the best rationalization for getting drunk I've ever heard. Ironic, because these two have more money combined than the GDP of Kenya.
When you have a million Myspace friends but no girlfriend:
"So much cooler online" - Brad Paisley: Everyone likes to beef up their stats online, but no one wants to admit it. Paisley tells it like it is, saying that "even on a slow day I can have a three way, chat with two women at one time." Let's party.
When you're breaking up and pathetically trying to divide up the things that you bought together:
"Give it away" - George Strait: We all know the scene, you want to hold on to that key chain you bought at the gas station on the way to that concert, because it's "important" to you, but really you're just bitter. The worst part is your ex could care less.
When you think you need to drink a few to come out of your shell and always end up overdoing it:
"The more I drink" - Blake Shelton: We all know what happens when we just try to have a few. We start bumming smokes, hitting on fat chicks and sometimes end up in bed next to someone who should never come out in the daytime. Oh Beer, how I love thee.
When that skeeze who cheated on you tries to slut her way back into your life:
"Here's a quarter (call someone who cares)" - Travis Tritt: This is the ultimate f-you song to that slutty miscreant who did you wrong. The best revenge is when she comes crawling back to you and you dis her like there's no tomorrow.
When you have that first amazing weekend with that new special someone in your life:
"Just got started lovin' you" - James Otto: Oh, new love. Before you meet her parents and realize she's needy, loves to nag and needs psychiatric help. Maybe that's just my experience.
When your girlfriend finally gets sick of your shit:
"Maybe she'll get lonely" - Jack Ingram: A cautionary tale of upsetting the love of your life one time too many. She leaves you in the dust, and your only hope is that she'll miss you.
This is but a smattering of the many country songs that will catch us when we fall.
In the year of open-mindedness it's time to embrace our differences, open a 12-pack of Busch light, and let the music take us away.
