Each woman should have an entourage of cohorts that serve as her go-to people for anything life throws her way.
There is the girl we call to go shopping; the girl we take to the club because her banging bod and ruthless attitude somehow transform any man into our personal ATM for all the shots we wouldn’t dare pay for ourselves.
But there is an essential person some women seem to overlook. A secret weapon that can give you an insight and sense of power no other woman in your entourage can provide.
Every heterosexual woman needs a man in her life— a guy friend that will bring the over analytical mind of a woman to ease when wracking your brain for answers to questions like why the guy from last night hasn’t texted you back yet.
A specimen of the source of your confusion is now on your side. There is no longer a need for that perpetual back and forth conversation between the girls, seeking their advice on what they believe you are doing wrong.
Honestly, us women don’t even have a clue.
I sat down with a few of my guy friends and asked them the question every single-girl has on their mind: What should I do on a first date?
They all laughed and said, “Paige, it’s not about what you should do. It’s really what you shouldn’t do.”
- Don’t talk about past relationships:
There is nothing that turns a man off more than talking about the men you used to be with. Men don’t want to hear about how the man in the booth next to you looks just like your ex, just not as muscular or well dressed. Another man is still clearly on your mind. It is not only intimidating, but it’s really a slap in the face.
It makes a man feel you have no interest in moving on from the past and even if you are ready to move on, you are still comparing the new to the old.
Don’t think men are simply uninterested in your past relationships. They are truly just as interested in yours as you are in his. However, this conversation should come with time. When the first date is spent talking about your present, a man can appreciate you for who you are now, and this will hook him in to wanting to know more about how you became the person you are.
The first date should be all about new beginnings with the right people. That man from your past was obviously not the right person for you, so there is no reason to bring up Mr. Wrong to the potential Mr. Right
2. Put the phone away:
This is a tough one because we are so physically attached to our cellphones as if they were our oxygen supply. But just as it’s rude to text in class or poses a distraction while driving, dates should serve as another moment where it’s deemed inappropriate to whip out the phone.
When a girl is constantly checking her phone for the time or vigorously tapping away on the screen, guys think you are not only bored but also wildly uninterested. He thinks you just can’t seem to bare engaging him for another millisecond.
I have been guilty of it before— texting code words in case one of the girls needs to call and come up with some freak accident that requires my immediate attention— but it really just makes you look bad, and it isn’t fair to him. He has given up an hour of his life to be with you and that is something you should have respect for. Even if this guy is totally wrong for you and you have no intention of ever speaking to him again, you at least owe it to him to stick it out.
Even if you’re just texting a friend to tell them you’ve found the guy you’re going to marry, he doesn’t know that and will be very turned off to what seems like a lack of interest in him.
Give a man your complete and undivided attention. A text can wait, but love waits for no one.
3. Don’t give it up:
This is one of the biggest misconceptions between men and women that somehow get lost in translation. For whatever reason, some women think they need to have sex to keep a man interested. That notion couldn’t be further from the truth.
Think about it in terms of a dog. The dog will play fetch with anything: a stick, a ball, a Frisbee or your favorite shoe. The dog doesn’t care what it’s playing with and will move right on to the next item once you stop throwing it. But when a dog sees something it wants to play with and you don’t throw it to him, he will keep coming back for it. His eyes will be fixated on you, anticipating the moment he will be able to have it.
The same thing goes for a man. As one of my guy friends put it, he enjoys the trill of the hunt. But when a girl just gives it up on the first date, he gets bored and is somewhat insulted she made it too easy. The right guy wants to feel as if he has earned his reward, and that the reward was worth the wait.
The woman a man stays with is a woman he doesn’t just use for five minutes, but rather one he can continue to get excited for because she still leaves much to be desired. There is nothing sexier to a man than a woman who knows she is worth the chase.
4. Don’t order a salad:
From a guy’s perspective, this is a huge first date no-no.
Men can tell a lot about a woman’s personality by what she orders on a first date. He can tell if she is adventurous or if she cares about what others think. I know it seems ridiculous to think something as small as what you order says much about who you are, but to a man it’s a major personality indicator.
In theory, women typically order salads on first dates, and that right there clumps you in with the regular and familiar. If you want to stand out from the rest and show him you are someone different and unpredictable, skip over the salad section all together.
He would prefer you leave the date with the odor of garlic seeping out your pores and red sauce all over your new, white blouse if it meant you enjoyed every bite of your pasta. If a man is going to invest time and money in taking you out for dinner, he wants you to enjoy the entire experience to its full extent.
If you’re a vegetarian, make it known before you decide on a place to eat, because nothing disappoints a man more than taking you to his favorite steakhouse and all you’re willing to eat is a damn Caesar salad.
Sure, if you’re really craving a salad then by all means, order it. But don’t do it because you think that’s what he wants you to order.
5. Don’t be anything less than a class act:
Before a first date, don’t ask yourself: What would Ryan Lochte do? If anything, ask yourself: What would Jackie O. do?
Imagine you are Jacqueline Onassis going on her first date with John F. Kennedy. Think about how one of the classiest women of all time snagged one of the greatest womanizers of all time. If Jackie O. could watch your date from start to finish and be satisfied with how you conducted yourself, you’re doing something right.
On a first date, a man wants to see a woman for who she is, both physically and mentally. Men are simple creatures; they aren’t fooled by superficiality.
On the physical front, men find it hilarious that we cake on pounds of makeup just to look good for them. Guys think makeup is not only ridiculous looking, but also a form of false representation. A guy has got to like you for who you are and appreciate every self-proclaimed flaw, down to the last freckle. Be natural in your appearance because there will be a time when the makeup has to come off and he will eventually see you for who you are.
Speaking of the moment when things “come off,” dress comfortably and appropriately on a first date. Even if your style is straight out of Seattle circa 1994, there is always a way to look presentable while still staying true to your personal style. I’m not saying throw on a set of pearls and wear all the Ralph you can find, but I’m also not suggesting you wear an outfit that shows more skin than cloth. Being able to find a balance between personal style and dressing for the occasion is the key. Your style should say something about you, but not that your tits are real.
Lastly, stay sober. There is a reason why “The Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger sets a two-drink maximum for her clients on first dates. No guy— or girl for that matter—wants to deal with a drunken mess of a date especially since this is the time to make a positive first impression. The whole point of a first date is to get to know a person for whom they really are, and too much alcohol can interfere with that ultimate goal on both ends of the spectrum.
It’s ok to have a drink to calm your nerves, but other than that, save the potential alcohol induced embarrassment for a night out with the girls.
Just remember: the right guy is going to like you just as you are. Have confidence in yourself and know you are an entity worth discovering all in due time.
I’m convinced that’s exactly how Jackie O. would have played it. After all, there’s a reason why JFK decided to put a ring on her finger as opposed to Marilyn Monroe.