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Sunday, June 16, 2024

I just don’t understand why some people stay in a relationship with a possessive partner.

The possessive partner is like a parasitic tic that unexpectedly latches on, and you can’t seem to get it off.  They are like the faint ringing noise in your ear you want to silence, but it won’t end.

You are so genuinely irritated and exhausted from walking on eggshells with a person who’s theoretically supposed to bring you joy and fulfillment. Yet all they bring to the table is unnecessary stress and drama you are pretty much volunteering to endure.

It’s easy to make yourself feel better by insisting they just care a lot about you; that’s why they are so “involved.” But you must be able to distinguish when you’re considered a means of love to a person, and when you’re an entity controlled like property.

I want to literally pull my hair out when my friends go on a doleful, endless rant about how they can’t stand their significant other placing them on a relationship leash. They are constantly interrogated and prodded for information; reprimanded for the smallest infraction committed in the eyes of the possessive partner. I see the affection and mutual appreciation for one another slip away, and become a faint memory.

The sad and unfortunate fact is you’re still with them. But really, can you tell me why? You could give me a bunch of excuses answers, but guaranteed the most important and only viable reason for staying with someone won’t be one of them. I’d bet my new Michael Kors that you wouldn’t even think to say: “ I stay because they make me happy.”

Let me quickly digress, and say I know the secret to having the best relationship of your life.  I swear this is for real.

The secret—which isn’t really a secret at all— is to base each and every relationship on whether or not this person makes you feel genuinely happy; they are essential to your internal feeling of true fulfillment and happiness. At the end of the day, this is the person you theoretically go to for love and appreciation. And if you are able to feel completely satisfied with who will be awaiting your arrival when you return home, you’re in a successful relationship.  It’s as simple as that.

However, if you’re exhausted at the mere thought of returning home to that person— when your skin literally tingles from nerve pulses of anxiety, and you feel a sense of annoyance like that uncontrollable, random twitching of your eye you can’t stop even when your eyes are closed— it’s time to be done with this relationship and this person all together. 

There is a shared commonality I’ve observe amongst my friends that are on the receiving end of the wrath inflicted by the possessive partner. They all seem to believe the pile of verbal crap their possessive partner dumps on them day-in and day-out.

They start to believe they are inadequate. They lose any belief that they are trustworthy because their partner is treating them like they have already lost their trust forever with no chance of gaining it back.

Even if something went down in the past that sparked your possessive partners mistrust, there is no reason for you to feel like you haven’t moved on from that mistake simply because your partner can’t help but bring up the past.

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Yet I hope that if you take any tidbit of advice from me, it will be this: know that the verbal blows you endure have absolutely nothing to do with you. You cannot take it personally. 

There are many reasons justified by the possessive partner for their behavior, and they try with all their malicious might to make you believe it’s because of something you’ve done or haven’t done. In reality, they are attempting to mold you into their misguided perspective of perfection. And as time goes on, it’s going to keep getting harder to loosen their grasp on your life if you stick around for full invasion. 

No one deserves to feel inadequate, untrustworthy, or ashamed of themselves because of their partner’s internal insecurities projected upon them. If someone can never be satisfied with you as you are— flaws, baggage and all— then they are just an outright waste of time and space. 

I know it’s difficult to just walk out on a relationship with a possessive partner because they have made you believe you are dependent upon their validation. But when you really think about it, how twisted is that? No one should ever even believe they have that power to judge, manipulate and/or control you.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: you came into this world without them; and you sure as hell can continue to go on without them. You need to believe above all else that you deserve to be happy. Allow your validation to come from within yourself, not from some a-hole that gets off on putting you down or controlling you.

Think about it this way: the sooner the possessive partner is kicked to the curb, the sooner your soul mate will come along for the best relationship of your life.

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