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Wednesday, February 28, 2024

Shoes as food: ingenious or inedible?

Cupcake
Cupcake

Has anyone ever came up to you and asked "Hey, have you ever made your food into shoes?" Probably not. But if they ever do, I'm now officially prepared to answer that question with a resounding "Yes!" I know what you're thinking. "Trew, that's crazy, you wore food on your feet?" Of course I didn't, don't be ridiculous. I did, however, make cupcakes that look like high heels. Which is almost as cool.

This recipe was something that my mom saw on Pinterest and wanted to try out. She's the more creative one, and it looked kind of cool, so I figured I'd help a sista out. So we went to the grocery store and picked up cupcake mix (we're far too lazy to make them from scratch), Milano cookies, pirouette hazelnut chocolate pole things (y'all know what I'm talking about), and some cool decorations.

The idea was that you make the cupcakes, then stick a Milano cookie out of one side so it looks like the sole of the shoe. Then the actual heel is made from the pirouettes. You cut it at a slant then attach it to the Milano cookie with frosting. This was a struggle. It's much more difficult than it sounds, trust me. The pirouettes just don't cooperate with you, no matter what you do. Then again, if I were a pirouette, and somebody was trying to cut me in half, I'd make it difficult for them too. However, this argument doesn't actually hold any merit seeing as pirouettes aren't living things. They're sugar. So they really had no reason to be like that.

Anyways, by the end of the process, they actually looked like heels. It was awesome. Then when we decorated them, we discovered that I apparently have a knack for making cupcakes look like shoes because the ones I made looked FABULOUUSSS! (No offense mom, it was a good effort on your part too). Plus, my mom picked up edible pearls. No joke, I would wear the shoes that I made out of frosting and cupcakes if I could. They are that cute.

I wouldn't, however, eat them. Ever again. They were nasty. For some reason the milanos became soggy, and the cupcakes became dry. How? How does that happen? It defies the laws of baking. And probably physics too. It ended up kind of being a bust. They were supposed to be thank you gifts for the people who gave me graduation presents. But we weren't going to give them something that we couldn't even eat. Come on, we're classier than that. Boring thank you cards it was.

Basically, we had cupcake shoes sitting on our counter for the next week. And while they looked seriously cool, they didn't taste good…at all. I can't stress this enough. I don't think we did anything wrong either. I think they were just repulsing. So just keep this in mind next time you try to make your cake into clothing- just because it looks good, doesn't mean it will actually taste good. Or even taste edible. These are the kicks, people (ha, literally and figuratively). So go ahead. Go in with low expectations for taste, and make some fabulous shoes. It's worthy as a bonding experience. Just remember... I warned you.

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