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Wednesday, August 10, 2022

The grand finale is finally here. Whether you plan on heading to grad school for a lifetime of debt and misery, or you’re going straight into a dream job, these are some pro tips for men and women on how to slay their senior years.

Stay Groomed

Women

First things first, get a dang manicure. You’re older now, and you should probably look for internships and externships. Nothing says credibility like a fresh set of polished fingernails. (If you’re going open-toe, get those feet handled, too!) Walking into meetings, class and work with a fresh mani will boost your confidence and sense of self. This does not mean run out and get a set of long talons. That’s infinitely unattractive, and you’ll have a wicked-hard time typing. Opt for something that mirrors what a sophisticated gal you are. Nothing says dud like a set of nubby nails!

Men

Clean the dirt from under your fingernails, and don’t bite them. That’s it. No matter how shaky your nerves get, resist the urge to bite them so some psych major can’t diagnose you with an oral fixation. You’ll be confident when you look down at your standard, clean nails. Also, don’t get a mullet. That’s key here.

Clean Out Your Address Book

Unisex

Since everything is so digital these days, communication is easy-peasy. A little too easy if you’re on a shot of tequila and an emotional roller coaster. Avoid getting tied up in old flames by cleaning out your contacts. Block-and-erase is the name of the game. Be strong, and do both. This prevents any possible slippage on either end. If needed, send one last strong-worded text for closure. Then, block and erase. No waiting for Prince/Princess Charming to cook up some “I miss you so much” crock of crap. By getting rid of the contact, you won’t have the opportunity to unblock and make the same mistake twice. Purge all of those bad vibes, and make space for the good. Your future self thanks you.

Get A New Wardrobe

Women

Well, maybe you don’t have to have an entirely new wardrobe, but a few new staple pieces can’t hurt. Wearing sweatpants and T-shirts is for drastic underachievers. Dress up for every lecture, lab, etc., and you’ll instantly appear more credible than your competition. Yes. This is a competition. Say hello to opportunities you might not get in workout clothes and neon sneakers. Own your individual style, but also make sure to tone down anything too crazy. Sleek never goes out of style. So, consult the fashion bibles and prepare to shell out a buck or two. It’ll be worth it when you’re ridin’ high.

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Men

Guys: New clothing is not just for the ladies. Invest some money into a sharp suit and some button downs for those pretentious business school classes. Wash your clothes regularly, and use fabric softener. Your date will thank you when he or she is snuggling up to a soft, nice-smelling Dance Marathon T-shirt. Also, try to find a worn-down leather attaché on eBay or Craigslist. You’ll look so advanced and ready to talk the talk and walk the dang walk. Once again, don’t get a mullet.

Get A New Planner

Women

This is a big one. The planner game is so strong these days, and they can be a little pricey, too, but a decent planner is essential for every-on-the-go girl. Everyone has seen the infamous Lilly Pulitzer planners and, of course, the effortlessly chic Kate Spade. Both options come with a cost of about $30. But think of it this way: These two-year planners will follow you into your future. That’s $15 per year. I’m down. Also, pro tip from a sentimental nutcase: Jot down some memorable moments throughout the year. Your planner will instantly become a cherished token as well as a place to remind you when you have a 2,000-word essay due at midnight. What’s more versatile than that?

Men

Make sure your phone is charged when going to and from class so that you can easily schedule your homework, exams and last chances for extra credit. If you’re a really gutsy guy, then go out and buy a Lilly planner. Go with a super tropical theme, and sit next to a girl you like. At some point, she will inevitably invite you over for a girls day. Make sure to never actually use the planner. That’s just stupid. It can also be repurposed as a coaster if you’re in a bind.

Travel At Least Once During The School Year

Unisex

And I don’t mean to your mom’s and/or dad’s for holiday break. Make plans to scrap together a few bucks for a bus ticket to NYC and spend a day or two drinking in new cultures to remind yourself what you’re working toward in your degree. Not a fan of New York? Go to Boston, Utah or Mexico. If you can go to Europe, then go cry at all of the beautiful history and fattening food. This is the time to do it. Embrace the fear and allow yourself a different kind of education. You won’t regret it.

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