It’s been four years since you took the time to sit in front of the television and excitedly watch figure skaters twirl and jump across smooth, glass-like ice rinks or you’ve ogled in amazement as professional skiers glide through pristinely white snow and leap into the sky off of seemingly terrifying ramps. The time has finally come for you to do it again. That’s right: It’s time once again for the Winter Olympics.

For some reason, your friends don’t quite understand or relate to your excitement about the games. Nonetheless, you convince them to come to your apartment to watch the opening ceremony together. As expected, you go all out. You have snacks themed to each region competing and beers imported from every major country. Yeah, maybe it was a little over the top, but hey, it only happens once every four years.

As the Parade of Nations kicks off, your elation only intensifies — and so does the judgment you’re getting from your friends. The President of the Organizing Committee soon signifies their traditional speech is about to begin. Much to your surprise, however, the words out of their mouth take a different turn than they have in past years. Their speech begins with...

Darts & Laurels

The Alligator’s popularity recently blew up. Dear readers, we must inform you we were featured on “Jeopardy!” on Wednesday night. When a contestant was asked for the Newspaper category’s Daily Double what city the Independent Florida Alligator covered, he correctly answered Gainesville. In the spirit of Alligator trivia, we give our first laurel to “Jeopardy!” and the contestant who answered correctly, John Giambrone.

Next, we have a question for our female readers: When you tear open a bag of Dorito chips and get a whiff of the cheesy deliciousness, are you concerned at all about the orange dust staining your fingertips or the crunching from biting into the chips being too loud? Indra Nooyi, chief executive of PepsiCo — which owns Frito-Lay, the manufacturer of Doritos — seems to think you are. On a Jan. 31 episode of the “Freakonomics Radio” podcast, she said women “don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. They don’t lick their fingers generously, and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.”

After laughing for a while, we realized the company was serious about manufacturing a snack geared for women, and we were flabbergasted. For this, we award a dart to PepsiCo. We’re embarrassed a woman is championing such an offensive initiative for her female peers. Each lady can decide for herself what it means to be one; they don’t need society’s discriminatory standards.

Representation in the media matters. Ensuring viewers and readers are being exposed to people from the LGBTQ+ community, racial minorities and individuals with disabilities is important. Gerber, the baby food corporation, reminded us of that this week. After 91 years, the company chose the first baby with Down syndrome to represent its brand. One-year-old Lucas from Georgia and his contagious smile will appear in commercials and billboards beside the pureed bottles. We’re hoping this will show people babies with disabilities have just as much value as babies without them. We’re giving a laurel to Gerber for recognizing children with disabilities should be celebrated, not shunned.

Earlier this week, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi staged an eight-hour speech Wednesday in an effort to pressure Republicans to allow a vote on protecting “Dreamer” immigrants. According to the Associated Press, it was the longest continuous speech in the chamber on record.

The California Democrat read personal letters from young immigrants and quotes from the Bible and Pope Francis throughout her monumental speech. Members of her party also took turns sitting behind her in support.

And guess what: She did it all while wearing four-inch heels. Talk about woman power. We’re feeling generous this week, so we’re going to award Pelosi with a laurel because of her efforts to help the Dreamers of America instead of handing out another dart .