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Saturday, June 12, 2021

We're mad. We have too much homework and too little sleep. Too few beers and too little money. Not enough clothing and not enough laundry money. We're pissed, and we're not afraid to say it. This week, the Department of Darts & Laurels might as well be a crotchety old man - you know, that bald 80-year-old covered in liver spots who yells at those damn kids to get off his lawn. So stay out of our way today as we vent our frustrations in this week's furious-and-fuming edition of…

Darts & Laurels

First up, we hurl an empty-wallets-make-us-angry DART at the bars along West University Avenue that raise their prices on game days. Seven dollars for a pitcher of Natural Light? You've got to be kidding us. Only filthy-rich alumni can afford that. And if they're filthy rich, why the hell are they buying Natty Light? Maybe they're just trying to relive their days as college students - but no one needs to stoop to that level. Please, bars, keep the cheap beer cheap.

But not just bars are guilty of game-day price gouging. We shoot a we-spent-all-of-our-money-on-Natty-Light-so-how-do-we-get-home-now DART to Gainesville-area cab companies, which charge higher rates on game days three hours before and after the game. Instead of charging based on how far you're driven, most of the companies charge flat rates, whether you're going just around the block or halfway across town. Regional Transit System buses run infrequently to the campus area on game days - if at all - so many drunken students need cabs to get them home safely.

And it's not like the cab drivers get anything out of this - they don't get paid overtime. All their money comes from tips. So the greedy companies pocket all this extra money they're charging riders, while those doing the legwork get the short end of the stick.

This next thing we're not too mad about. We're mostly just confused. So here's a what-the-hell-is-going-on DART for Student Government. The new election season is barely under way and already the mud is being slung. The Gator, Swamp and Impact parties all had complaints lodged against them. And another registered party, Greek, is probably just here to mislead everyone. Why can't we all just get along?

Don't get us wrong, no party should ever run unopposed, and no party should be allowed to break the rules. But will any of this petty bickering that's going on right now accomplish anything? Probably not.

What else really irks us? The fact that companies have to put their names on everything. So here's a can-you-hear-our-outrage-now DART to Gator Growl for attaching its new sponsor's name to the show's official title. No longer can we call it "Gator Growl 2007: Nation of Champions." Now that Verizon Wireless gave the show ,112,500, we've got to tack "presented by Verizon Wireless" on the name. Maybe we're bitter, but all this corporate hoopla makes us want to growl. What happened to the good ol' days when having your name in the program and maybe a few ads was enough? Are the industry wars so fierce that if a company's name isn't constantly shoved in our faces, it'll immediately lose market power and flounder into financial despair? Something tells us that's not the case.

Finally, we're mad because of more pointless UF rules. We chuck a don't-call-it-a-safety-issue-if-it's-really-an-aesthetic-issue DART at the UF Housing Department for its ban on clotheslines on campus. While it insists that having clotheslines around campus could be a safety issue, we don't see it. Are volleyball and tennis nets a safety issue, too? And candles just don't compare to clotheslines.

We can understand why students can't drape their clothes all over campus, but one or two clotheslines set up outside dorms and family housings' laundry rooms wouldn't be too intrusive. It would help out the environment, make our clothes last longer - and we'd have more money to spend on drinks on game days. Now that's something we can smile about.

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