Gentlemen, start your follicles.
As we near the end of the second week of No Shave November, thousands of men are taking it upon themselves to deter women, cleanliness and job applications in the month-long event that supposedly separates the men from the boys.
For those of you who don’t know what No Shave November is, it’s the month where men, and sometimes women, forgo the act of shaving, trimming or any other sort of shearing of their facial hair to show hypermasculinity.
But be warned no-shavers, in addition to catching disgusted looks from women and scaring small children, you may come home for that relaxing Thanksgiving break to get the ass-whipping of a lifetime from your dad, who thinks the hairier version of you that just walked in the door in the middle of the UF v. FSU game is really a blood-thirsty hobo looking to crash dinner.
By the way, it would probably be a good idea to stay away from playgrounds or to keep from buying white vans from the ‘70s during this time. You’ll already look creepy enough.
If you want another way to put a strain on romantic and otherwise friendly relationships for the sake of exhibiting your manliness, you can always try what Robert Clarkson of Queenstown, New Zealand, did.
This innovative man decided to stray from the doldrums of typical suburban living by turning his house into a pirate ship.
When he proposed the idea to his then-sensible girlfriend, she scoffed and made an outlandish deal with him in which she would only concede if he were able to raise a Facebook group of one million people in support of the pirate house idea.
Well, she shouldn’t have underestimated the will of a pirate-at-heart combined with a bunch of people who will back whatever they find interesting.
After two years of gathering members, Clarkson’s Facebook group, “If 1m people join, girlfriend will let me turn our house into a pirate ship,” reached its goal Oct. 29 of this year.
Now, the 26-year-old Clarkson just has to figure out how to raise funds and tell the neighbors what he’s up to. Fortunately, his girlfriend has since warmed up to the idea, so this pirate is still going to be getting booty. You didn’t really think I’d be able to get through this without such a pathetic pun, did you?
Here’s something for the more feminine readers, if you’re still with me. I’m sure most of you have heard about Aerosmith’s frontman, Steven Tyler, leaving the band.
Apparently, the old fogeys all just got so pissy with each other that he up and quit just before their 40th anniversary next year. But, the band thinks, for some reason, that they’ll be able to move on without the raspy-voiced lead singer.
Those dudes need to swallow their pride and realize what their band’s all about. And I know a lot of you girls are solely attracted to that lanky guy who has better highlights than your mom but is old enough to be your father. You are the reason I throw “Aerosmith’s Greatest Hits” into my car’s CD player when I go on dates.
Someone needs to tell those guys that Aerosmith can’t physically continue without Steven Tyler.
The week-long anticipation to find out who would be involved in the threesome on Gossip Girl turned out to be not so hot. Don’t worry, I won’t give too much away. It’s bad enough that Hilary Duff is on the show, but Lizzie McGuire in a threesome? I don’t want to think about that.
