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Tuesday, February 07, 2023

A good Spring Break is one that is awesomely wild and a bit hazy, so go out, get drunk and get laid. DO have the time of your life. But DON’T leave all your dignity at the dock.

Even a pact with the devil can’t guarantee everything that happens on Spring Break stays on Spring Break.

He says…

DO hit on anyone and everyone. Ninety percent of the sweaty, half-naked co-eds around you will be giving it away like it’s prom night. Just think Dan Werner: Jack up enough shots, and one is bound to land in the bucket. DON’T get absolutely plastered and try to spit game. By all means, drink and have fun, but going nuts won’t get you anywhere.

DO flaunt it if you got it. You’ve spent the last two weeks at Southwest trying to turn that gut into a “Situation.” And if you DON’T got it, show it off anyway. With enough confidence, it won’t matter whether you look like Brad Pitt or Seth Rogen.

DO attempt the kinkiest stuff possible once you get the girl. DON’T even think about sliding in between the legs of a random girl without sliding on a condom. I will spare you the lecture, just be sure to wrap it up.

She says…

DO feel free to be aggressive.Getting a guy’s attention with an ass-grab is totally acceptable. You may not normally take matters into your own hands, but now is the perfect time to master the art of getting from bar to bedroom.

DON’T abandon all self-worth by seeking attention through flashing or entering one of those hideous wet T-shirt contests. Anything that requires you to dance nearly naked on stage is disgusting in any setting.

DO drink the day away. There is no limit to the amount of piña coladas or tequila shots you consume in any given day. Go ahead and shot-gun a few Natty Lights in there, too. But DON’T drink so much that you forget to eat, black-out and then barf all over the guy you just brought back to the hotel.

DO have fun in the hot tub, but don’t forget to get out of the water before penetration. Not only can you still get pregnant and catch an STD in a hot tub or hotel pool without proper protection, the water reduces the amount of natural lubrication you produce, meaning it’s probably going to hurt, and the chlorination can cause an infection.

DO hook up with random strangers. Again, this is what Spring Break is all about, so don’t feel guilty not knowing more than his name.

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DON’T go home with anyone before telling your friends where you’re going. And if they tell you he’s an ugly creep, DON’T throw a drunk-girl temper tantrum. Just listen and thank them later.

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