It all starts Saturday.
The fiercest battle in all the land kicks off, and fans everywhere get a new, long season to marvel at the competitive excellence of its participants.
The glory of winning is great, but pride is the true motivating factor.
Guys want to be like them, and chicks want to be with them.
It all starts Saturday — the 2010 edition of the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column.
Last year, a new tradition was born when we asked some of the other Gators beat writers to pick games against us. Not that it mattered, as the crown went to Alligator writer Kyle Maistri.
Some familiar names are back this time around, and we also want to welcome the newbies to the fray.
Our first debated game of the year is Boise St.-Virginia Tech. Enjoy.
Virginia Tech will scoff at the 1.5 free points it’s getting because:
Tyler Jett is all about being trendy in the wrong way.
Between his robot t-shirts that no one understands and his pseudo-gangster vocabulary, he’s always jumping on the wrong bandwagon, and that’s the same thing he’s doing here.
The Broncos are the sexy underdog pick to reach the BCS Championship, but that’ll be over after this weekend.
Virginia Tech running back Ryan Williams is going to be unstoppable this season, and the Broncos’ shaky defense is no match for him. I watched Williams go into Beast Mode against my beloved East Carolina last season, and he did the same thing to just about everyone else, gaining 100 yards in 10 of 13 games.
Williams is going to lower his pads and plow right through Boise State in the same head-and-shoulders-first fashion that Tyler has to use to cram his Gumby-like frame into his Camry, and he’ll look much less ridiculous doing it.
— MIKE McCALL
Boise State will cover the (-1.5-point) spread because:
Quarterback Kellen Moore wants to. Who cares that he’s facing Bud Foster’s vaunted defense?
Moore threw for 39 touchdowns and just three interceptions last year. And he still has his two favorite receivers, Austin Pettis and Titus Young. Moore has been starting since his freshman year, so it feels like he’s been around forever, kind of like Mike McCall.
Look at that picture of McCall on page 16. That was taken back in 2007, when the whole “Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber” look was in style.
Some time between getting rejected by drunken birthday girls in Tallahassee last weekend and getting taken higher at a Creed concert Wednesday night, McCall had time to think about college football. Then he decided to rewatch season four of The Wire for the 19th time (Watch out Bodie!).
Give up. Sports just aren’t your thing, Mike.
— TYLER JETT
Now, on to the picks!
Representing alligatorSports and tied for first place for what is sure to be the only time this season is Mike “Fourth tour of duty” McCall, who is embarking on an unprecedented fourth season of football coverage during his fifth year of school. Drink like a fifth-year, vomit like a freshman. That’s Mike’s motto!
Also representing the Alligator is newcomer Anthony “Shining like Starbury” Chiang, who rocked a $15 pair of flashy, orange cleats to pickup flag football Saturday. No word on the impending face tattoo, but if anyone knows the Chinese characters for “Bone Thug Bosses,” he’s listening.
Our third Alligator football writer is Tyler “I would do anything for irony, but I won’t do that” Jett, who took exception to our own Mike McCall making a trip to Tampa for a Creed concert but has no problem rocking a fake unbuttoned flannel t-shirt once every five days as part of his hipster shirt rotation.
Hitting cleanup in the alligatorSports lineup is returning champ Kyle “I’m taking school so seriously in my fifth year that I actually bought a backpack” Maistri, who barely escaped an interview session after UF receiver Carl Moore mistakenly thought Kyle was calling him the most selfish player on the team.
From the Gainesville Sun, welcome back Ed “I get my nuts every day” Aschoff, whose declaration can only be taken as a homosexual rendition of Flo-Rida’s “Birthday.” Ed don’t want no nuts on his birthday, he want his nuts erryday (erryday).
One ass-whooping wasn’t enough for our next participant. That’s right, the Miami Herald’s Joe “I was on my heavy flow” Goodman, who previously vowed not to return after he felt we crossed the line with one of our insults last season. We promise to be gentle this year. Also, we hear pads with wings work the best.
Our first new guest is Gatorbait.net’s Keith “Kim Kardashian is a mess downstairs” Niebuhr, who made that proclamation during his in-depth analysis of the Kim look-alike in Brandon Spikes’ sex tape, then regretted it upon learning his participation in this column would involve being insulted.
And also here for the very first time and rounding out our field of combatants is FightinGators.com’s Cody “Who’s laughing now?” Jones, who has a habit of fake laughing at his friends’ jokes. We’ll see who gets the last laugh when your secret Chatroulette session with Jason Heyward leaks this weekend.
