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Wednesday, December 06, 2023

Dear Jared,

I’m a gay male in a fresh relationship, and we’ve been having a lot of sex lately. I’ve found myself being on the receiving end, so to speak, more often than not, which got me thinking: Should I be afraid my bottom end will eventually fall out from ‘bottoming’ too much? I’ve heard rumors of older gay men having to wear diapers later in life. Is this a valid concern?

Woefully worried,

Wide Open Spaces

Allow me to first congratulate you on abstaining from getting to know your boyfriend before allowing him an all-access backstage pass. That whole six-month rule is for chumps.

And to answer your question, honey, let me first give you the short answer: Not really.

Episodes of prolonged anal incontinence, or a loosey-goosey caboosey for all non-sciencey kids out there, is relatively uncommon in the silver daddy population of old, gay men. And when these episodes of daddy diapers actually do surface, they’re more often the result of brain injuries or side effects to certain medications that come as a package deal with age.

But as I say that, my little Butt Pirate, I would be mistaken if I said it’s not something in the back of every gay man’s mind. Although it’s fairly uncommon, it should be something you’re careful about.

Your anus isn’t Superman, and its Kryptonite can easily be your boyfriend’s Wolverine.

Damage to your sphincter (your No. 1 butt muscle) can cause a mess of concerns, so tell your counterpart in this not-so ambiguously gay duo to watch the gyrations and not be such a Dora the Backdoora Explora.

And although I’m saying circumstances involving you rushing to buy a pack of Huggies would be rare, I wouldn’t exactly recommend going down under after going to town on a grande, extra spicy Meximelt or immediately following your Thanksgiving cornucopia.

Which brings me to my next point: If over-exertion is causing you to be such a worrywart, have you and your boyfriend discussed your top-bottom schedule? Maybe on Tuesdays, Thursdays, President’s Day and every other weekend you get the shaft and reverse on the others?

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Then again, I’m a firm believer in getting the pleasures you deserve, so if you’ve worked your ass off all week and enjoy being an active bottom, you have my full support. Just know your limit and stay out of the deep end.

Bottoms up!

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