And now we pause for a moment of silence to acknowledge the long-awaited death of the diseased politi-joke that was state Sen. Mike Haridopolos' legislative career.
In a move that caught most Floridians off guard, Haridopolos, the Republican Florida Senate president from Merritt Island who received $75,000 from UF to teach a few classes and help place students into the white sepulcher that is the state legislature, announced Monday he would be pulling out of the U.S. Senate race and would not pursue any office this year or next. This was after he spent the past few months attempting to build up a financial war chest and political momentum to take on a crowded GOP field and, if he was lucky, take on Democratic incumbent Sen. Bill Nelson.
"I believed I could handle both jobs, but I was wrong," Haridopolos said in a video statement. "And now, I am determined to make it right."
To his credit, it's not easy being Sen. Mike. It's hard to constantly be on your A-game in a heated GOP Senate primary and to see who climbs to the top of Mt. Douchebag the fastest after getting absolutely clowned in the last state legislative session by the Dean Cannon's House of Horrors.
But that's only just the icing on the turd cake. He's an acclaimed author of a $152,000, 175-page literary masterpiece that has reaped a princely $488 for Brevard Community College and has been showered with accolades ranging from "coloring book" to "Oh sweet Jesus." On top of that, he's got to pay attention to all those special interests who "consult" him on how his pocketboo - er - "conscience" should vote.
Now that he's free of these pressing burdens, perhaps the greatest UF hire since Ron Zook can come back to the Harvard of the South with an extra chromosome to enlighten some of the state's finest minds.
If he can teach us just how he gets his hair to do that, it will be worth the price of admission.
