Let’s be honest: We here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column have been mailing it in this week.
The Gators are on a bye, none of the players want to talk to us about their miserable season, and we’re fine with that. The less work, the better.
We’re not lazy, we’re just worn down. It’s completely understandable. The grind can get to anybody after a while.
But following a week filled with UF golf and swimming, we’re ready to spend our weekend without football the only way we know how: with football.
Our time is free, our lives are empty, and many teams are vying for our support and viewership.
The closest game we could find was 350 miles south on Florida’s Turnpike. So, since the Picks Column never takes a week off, we let two of our writers debate Georgia Tech’s trip to Miami.
The Ramblin’ Wreck (+3) deserves our attention because…
With a week off from Charlie Weis’ genius, our best chance at entertainment comes from a team that harkens back to football’s golden age with a little triple-option offense. Georgia Tech doesn’t have fancy-schmancy Wildcat packages, spread attacks and passing “routes,” but the Yellow Jackets have a diverse play-calling array of their own: run left, run right and run middle.
Georgia Tech boasts the nation’s No. 2 rushing offense at 347.9 yards per game, and that will be more than enough to overwhelm Miami’s No. 94 rush defense.
Plus, if somebody tips the Yellow Jackets off about this new thing called “the forward pass,” stellar wideout Stephen Hill might make a few exciting plays, and that would certainly be worth our watch.
— GREG LUCA
The Hurricanes (-3) will keep us enthralled through a week without the Gators because…
The U invented swagger – or something like that. We all know Trey Burton is trying to bring the swagger back to Gainesville, but it never left Coral Gables.
Let’s be real: No one cares about Miami’s on-field abilities anymore. It’s all about the off-field drama, and the ‘Canes have plenty of that.
From Nevin Shapiro’s jailhouse confessional and subsequent player suspensions to Micanor Regis’ one-game ban for swinging at a North Carolina player, the ‘Canes are a real-life soap opera.
Besides, if there’s one thing The U knows how to do (aside from violate NCAA rules), it’s stop the triple-option. After an embarrassment at the hands of the Yellow Jackets in 2008, allowing 472 yards on the ground, the ‘Canes have learned their lesson and kept it in check the last two years, both UM wins.
— TOM GREEN
Now, on to the picks!
In first with a 33-22 record is The Associated Press’ Mark “Student of the game, my ass” Long, who spent all day Thursday railing against Jaguars quarterback Blaine Gabbert because the rookie didn’t know who Howard Cosell was. Last we checked, announcers don’t wear pads, so what’s the big deal? If he didn’t know the great Gus Johnson, then we would have a problem.
Leading a three-way charge for second with a 32-23 record is alligatorSports writer Tyler “Pass the starch” Jett, who made sure all his clothes were firmly pressed before last week’s game at Auburn. Finally, Jett has learned to iron his shirt without the assistance of his mommy. Who’s our little guy!
Also in second after a remarkable 7-1 week is alligatorSports writer Greg “Those aren’t my people” Luca, who was terrified when forced to walk too closely to some Auburn fans last Saturday because of their “differences.” You might be a redneck if…
Rounding out the second-place logjam is alligatorSports assistant editor Matt “It’s still real to me, dammit!” Watts, who longs for the days when he was a grizzly 14-year-old pro wrestling journalist eagerly stealing stories from other, more credible, basement-dwelling virgins. Captain Insano shows no mercy.
Tied for fifth with a 31-24 record is FightinGators.com’s Cody “I was a pitcher in high school, not an outfielder” Jones, who curled into the fetal position when another writer tossed a cell phone to him. Cody’s fear of the fly ball explains why he only knows one type of pitch: junk.
Also in fifth is InsideTheGators.com’s Kyle “Money is the root of all evil” Maistri, whose adamant disdain for the nation’s monetary system has been well-documented on Facebook lately. We get it, Kyle: You hate money. We’ll gladly take it off your hands for you.
Still in seventh with a 29-26 record is The Florida Times-Union’s Mike “The smiley face always works” DiRocco, who engaged in some Twitter flirting with a certain former member of this column to apologize for knocking that writer’s skills on the gridiron. Don’t be jealous that Ed still has his youth and you must live vicariously through your teenage son, Mike.
And in dead-ass last place (again), with a piss-poor record of 27-28 is alligatorSports editor Tom “I interviewed that guy!” Green, who repeatedly interrupted a recent matinee showing of “Moneyball” to remind anyone who would listen that he spent his summer covering the Oakland A’s. No, Tom, no one cares that you used to walk through that hallway every day.
