We here at the alligatorSports Brand Picks Column are feeling the holiday spirit.
We may be spread thin with everything we have on our plates this season (and surely even more on them Thursday), but we still have plenty to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
A few days off from the daily grind? Yep.
A chance to see our families and loved ones? You know it.
The obscene feast of turkey, stuffing, delicious side dishes and pumpkin pie awaiting each of us on Thursday? Damn straight.
But there’s one thing we are especially thankful for this year: college football rivalries.
Nothing quite rings in the beginning of the holiday season like some historic — and hate-filled –—college rivalries. State and regional bragging rights are on the line all across the nation this weekend. And if that’s not enough to get you amped up, how could you forget some of the awesome rivalry trophies at stake?
So with that in mind, we let two of our columnists debate one of this weekend’s healthy rivalries.
Virginia Tech (-5) will feast on Virginia because…The Hokies are going to win this one for the millions of turkeys sacrificed on Thanksgiving this year. Why Virginia Tech’s mascot is a turkey is anyone’s guess, but this is one group of turkeys that will thrive this weekend.
Aside from not being served on a plate, the Hokies have something else to be thankful for: their dominance against the Cavaliers. Since Virginia Tech joined the Atlantic Coast Conference the Hokies are 7-0 against their in-state rivals.
That won’t change this weekend.
— TOM GREENThis ain’t your ancestors’ Cavaliers, and they don’t care about history or respect.
Virginia (+5) will eat all the leftovers this weekend because...
Virginia, historically, is a bad football team. But just like deep-frying that holiday bird, tradition has gone right out the damn window.
After losing 17 games the last two years, who could have predicted such a quick turnaround for the 8-3 Wahoos? Even Athletic Director Craig Littlepage admitted he couldn’t have envisioned Saturday’s matchup being a play-in game for the ACC Championship.
But it is. And the Cavaliers are going to carve up some Hokie and pile on the gravy. Wah-hoo-wah!
— MATT WATTS
Now, on to the picks!
In first, with a 56-38 record, is The Associated Press’ Mark “It’s funny because you’re fat” Long, who couldn’t resist reaching for the low-hanging fruit when Charlie Weis said Thanksgiving is his favorite holiday. Hey Mark, did you drive in the fast lane when you covered NASCAR last weekend … because it looks like your hair didn’t keep up!
Holding strong in second with a 52-42 record is alligatorSports writer Greg “I got scooped on my own thoughts” Luca, who cemented his moniker of “worst reporter in Alligator history” during the weekend when a colleague was able to disseminate Greg’s thoughts to the masses before Greg could even formulate them.
Nipping at Greg’s heels with a 51-43 record is alligatorSports assistant editor Matt “Put me out of my misery already” Watts, who can’t handle watching the Jaguars anymore. Trying to make sense of Jack Del Rio’s coaching decisions this season, Matt has aged about three years, moving him right into middle age.
In fourth with a 48-46 record is alligatorSports writer Tyler “I made out with a girl, I think” Jett, whose escapades at a Neon Liger event in Gainesville ended with some ambiguous promiscuity. Jett says he came with, and left with, a person of the opposite sex, but when it comes to getting a heaping helping of dude tongue, he’s not so sure.
Climbing to fifth at 47-47 is ESPN’s Mike “Need a hand?” DiRocco, who asked an athlete Tuesday if he ever needed assistance going to the bathroom while he was battling an injury earlier in his career. Always the Good Samaritan, Mike was willing to lend a helping hand if no one else did.
Falling to sixth with a 46-48 record is FightinGators.com’s Cody “I’m really happy for the rest of you, but Taylor Swift is the best female country singer with a face that looks like that of an anteater OF ALL TIME” Jones, who gave a standing ovation from his living room while watching Swift at the American Music Awards. She’s the cheer captain, Cody, and you’re on the bleachers.
In seventh with a 44-50 record is InsideTheGators.com’s Kyle “Mushrooms are out of this world” Maistri, who spent his Friday night trying to convince the rest of us that mushrooms are organisms brought to earth by aliens thousands of years ago. We think you may be watching too much “Ancient Aliens,” Kyle.
And in dead-ass last with a piss-poor 40-54 record is alligatorSports editor Tom “Where’d you get your jokes, the joke store?” Green, whose side-splitting humor has had us all rolling lately. Sike. (See what we did there?) Tom, your references to Jay-Z’s rhymes and other rap lyrics have got to stop, for everyone’s sake.
