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Thursday, May 02, 2024

Only a few more weeks of the semester left, and it’s getting close to crunch time on papers, projects and finals.

But procrastinators still have another week or two before they look at the work piling up and start to freak out.

Go ahead, have fun this weekend — you’ll have time to finish everything.

That brings us to this week’s it’s-probably-a-good-time-to-invest-in-Starbucks-and-Mountain Dew edition of ...

Darts & Laurels

First, for a their completely ridiculous proposal, we throw a can-we-just-admit-that-this-is-more-about-politics-than-keeping-drivers-safe DART at Gainesville Mayor Craig Lowe and 11 city and county commissioners.

These local politicians want to lower the speed limit on Interstate 75 between County Road 234 and State Road 222, the stretch in which the fatal crashes occurred earlier this year.

But, if memory serves us correctly, it was smoke, not speed, that led to the horrible crash. Speed might have been a factor, but it was not the main cause of the crash.

Next up, we give a college-students-don’t-know-how-to-cook-most-of-this-stuff-but-it-sure-looks-cool LAUREL to the Union Street Farmers Market, which celebrated its 16th anniversary this week.

Keep on keepin’ on!

For being incredibly offensive, we throw a how-would-you-feel-if-we-came-up-to-you-and-drew-a-Hitler-moustache-on-your-face DART at the idiots who went around Northwest Gainesville drawing swastikas and painting profane and racist graffiti.

Grow up and read a book.

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This one is a double whammy.

Tyler Pence and his family submitted a video to a contest hosted by the Primrose Children’s Foundation.

His family won a $20,000 donation to Shands and a $3,000 cash prize.

We give a good-deeds-lead-to-more-good-deeds LAUREL to the Primrose Children’s Foundation for putting together this contest AND to the Pence family, who decided to give their prize to the hospital.

For being incredibly disgusting, we throw an are-you-really-going-to-do-this-in-front-of-kids DART at Zot Lynn Szurgot, a transgender individual who was charged with indecent exposure after she went outside completely naked, shaking her genitalia.

Really?

Finally, we give way-to-represent LAURELS to history professor Steve Noll, journalism professor Mike Foley and mathematics professor Sergei Shabanov, who were named by the Princeton Review as three of “The Best 300 Professors,” the name of its new book.

Keep up the good work!

Have a fun and safe weekend, and be sure to check back next week.

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