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Thursday, November 30, 2023

The only way burgers could be more American is if the buns were made of apple pie and the cheese were made of freedom.

As a college town, Gainesville has a responsibility to provide people with ample burger eateries.

I’m not talking about McDonald’s and Burger King, with their limp, tasteless, ketchup-soaked “meat” cakes.

Gainesville residents want delicious, mouth-watering burgers with premium beef and ingredients.

Best Burger Variety

Recently, a Red Robin restaurant opened in the Oaks Mall, adding some competition to the Gainesville burger scene.

With an extremely varied selection of burgers that feature toppings like bleu cheese, jalapenos, fried onions and a ton of other customizable options, the raw original burger joint fares well for meat lovers.

Most fire-grilled creations revolve around a single patty with a side of steak fries.

For a large chain, it’s one of the best basic-burger options in Gainesville.

Best Student-centric Burger

Relish offers a wide, sometimes outlandish, variety of burger toppings, and its two locations are close to where university students tend to dwell — Midtown and downtown.

Unfortunately, the burgers there are bland for my taste.

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Best Classic Patty

If you don’t really care for frills on your burger, you should opt for the greasy, delicious burgers of Five Guys Burgers and Fries at its two locations: 4222 NW 16th Blvd. and 3310-B SW 35th Blvd.

These burgers aren’t made with fancy cheeses or sauerkraut.

Two patties, free toppings and a bag full of fries are what make a Five Guys burger worthwhile.

However, keep in mind, it’s not the best place to go if you want to lose weight — a regular side of fries is about 1,000 calories.

But then again, if you’re eating a burger for health, you’ve got your priorities out of order.

Best Veg-head Burger

What about the the vegetarian options? Where can you find the best veggie burger in town?

Just kidding, no one really cares because veggie burgers are practically a salad, and salad is rabbit food, and I am not a rabbit.

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