The semester is starting to wind down, and finals week is looming. The library is getting more crowded, and students are spending more time on campus to compensate for how little they’ve paid attention all semester.
But studying too much can cause stress and make it hard to focus. It’s important to take breaks, and what’s better than a sex break?
If you’re already on campus, why bother leaving just to get some afternoon — or morning or evening — delight?
Rollins College’s newspaper, “The Sandspur,” recently published an article talking about the wonders of public sex: “Sex in public is often frowned upon as illegal and primitive. But those two justifications are exactly what make it so exciting.”
I was so inspired, I went around our own alma mater to find the best places to get down and get dirty.
The football field is probably the most cliche place to have sex on campus, which is why it should be first on your list. The thrill of having to jump over a few fences — sorry University Police and administration — and stay quiet to avoid getting caught will make the encounter much hotter.
You’re not a true Gator fan unless you actually do it on Florida Field. And what’s the point of making all the effort if you don’t scream something like “Go Gators!” or “I love Tim Tebow!” when you orgasm?
The library is another stereotypical place to have sex on campus. However, it’s a lot less realistic than the football field, if only because it’s more crowded.
I’m not saying it’s impossible — just be sure to wait for a time when there are fewer panicked students cramming for exams. If you’re trying to do the dirty deed in the actual stacks, make sure to pick a section that isn’t frequently visited — and let’s be honest, isn’t that all of them?
I will caution you to focus on Library West or Marston, though. Try to avoid the lawbrary at all costs, unless you are an actual law student.
A recent guest column pointed out that law students are very territorial, so I doubt they would take kindly to undergraduates filling their quiet lawbrary with the sounds of something a lot more fun than studying. Besides, the building is made up of glass walls, making it harder to get away with.
Perhaps easiest to accomplish, and in my opinion, the most exciting option, is a classroom. A handful of buildings on campus leave their classroom doors unlocked at night, making them perfect sexcapade locations.
Classrooms provide more privacy than other public locations but still give you the thrill of potentially getting caught. Having to stay quiet will make it even hotter; plus, getting it on in a classroom practically sets itself up for student/teacher role play.
If you are really desperate to find a place to get frisky, the campus is full of dark and secluded areas at nighttime. Take your pick of any one of them, but take care to avoid the wandering eyes of stray campus cats — as well as the occasional passers-by.
As a rule, please clean up after yourselves after your foray into public indecency. No one wants to come to class only to find desks covered in lube or other unsavory substances.
And as funny as it is to find condom wrappers all over North Lawn, Mother Nature and the janitorial staff will thank you if you make sure all prophylactics make it into the trash.
Think of having sex on campus as just another thing to do for the F Book — I mean, they call it that for a reason, don’t they? It might be an unofficial tradition, but it’s still a tradition nonetheless.
[Robyn Smith is a UF journalism sophomore. Her column appears on Mondays. A version of this column ran on page 6 on 3/31/2014 under the headline "Sex on campus is doable, pun intended"]
