We hate to start Darts & Laurels off on a bad note, but animal cruelty is something this editorial board passionately stands against. Two Clay County girls are being investigated by Florida law enforcement officers after they posted a video of themselves burning a Gopher tortoise and torturing it to death. The Gopher tortoise, which is an endangered species in Florida, was lit on fire several times as the girls filmed it and said things like: “Burn baby, burn baby,” and “Now you’re scared of us, huh?” The girls also repeatedly threw it against the concrete and stomped on it, crushing its shell.
Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokeswoman Karen Parker told the Florida Times-Union that the girls, who are 18 and 15 years old, could potentially be charged with animal cruelty and killing or wounding an endangered species. “We received quite a few complaints about this and a call from the Sheriff’s Office, so we had an officer go out last night,” Parker said. “... Everybody is pretty much sickened by it and can’t believe someone would do that to an innocent animal.” So this week we are giving a how-could-somebody-do-this-to-an-innocent-tortoise DART to the two girls.
On the bright side, our woman crush of the week goes to Kacy Catanzaro, the first woman to complete the Dallas Finals of the “American Ninja Warrior” course. Catanzaro, a former NCAA Southeast Regional gymnast of the year, leapt, flipped and climbed her way through the insane obstacles on the course. If only the announcers could get over the fact that she’s only five feet tall. Here’s a it-doesn’t-matter-how-tall-you-are-you-go-girl LAUREL to Kacy.
When Lana Del Rey intones, “Hot summer nights/mid-July/when you and I were forever wild,” we don’t think she was talking about Burmese pythons.
The reptiles that have descended upon the Everglades faster than flower-crowned faux-bohemians on Coachella are multiplying faster than ever: USA Today reported this week that the Conservancy of Southwest Florida is warning Florida residents to be extra watchful for them, as Burmese babies hatch the most frequently during the summer months.
In keeping consistent with our environmentalist theme for this edition of Darts and Laurels, we’re tossing a DART at all the morons who dumped their exotic pet snakes in the Everglades in the first place, thus causing this python problem.
Ten Florida scientists tossed some serious shade at Gov. Rick Scott this week when they wrote to him asking for an opportunity to tutor him on global warming.
“We note you have been asked several times about how, as Governor, you will handle the issue of climate change. You responded that you are 'not a scientist.' We are scientists and we would like the opportunity to explain what is at stake for our state," their letter stated.
Though their intentions were probably more on the side of genuine concern and less on the side of sass, we’re awarding them a you-just-do-you LAUREL.
Have a great weekend, y’all. Watch out for stray pythons!
[A version of this story ran on page 11 on 7/17/2014 under the headline "Senate seat unanimously appointed"]
