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Thursday, May 09, 2024

We’re barely a quarter of the way through 2015, and yet 2016’s presidential race is already in its second wave of heating up.

And even though he’s served his two terms, our sitting president may be getting involved.

Tuesday, we saw a candidacy announcement from Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul, signaling the entrance of a weird faux-third-party in a Republican race that already includes Texas Sen. Ted Cruz. Paul shares his surname and political fervor with his father, Ron — claiming a kind of Mr. Smith-goes-to-Washington pedigree that he uses against Democrats and his fellow Republicans alike. Though he’s nominally a Libertarian, Paul’s ideology is closer to that of a pre-Reagan Republican who also thinks you should be allowed to smoke weed — or a grown-up version of that kid who was exposed to “Atlas Shrugged” too early. Cruz, meanwhile, announced his candidacy at the evangelical Liberty University; meaning, he’s going after an evangelical base. Meaning, he’s not going to be president.

Both of these guys are in trouble because a more attractive, good-looking — see what we did there — and politically coherent candidate will be announced next week. He’s our very own Sen. Marco Rubio, who’s been making rounds, spreading word about a “big announcement” scheduled in Miami next Monday. Gee, wonder what that could be about.

On the Democratic side, we don’t have any clue who’ll be running other than Hillary Clinton. Everybody on that side of the aisle has stayed silent — probably playing along with party currents, which strongly suggest Clinton’s up for nomination. Clinton herself is staying out of the picture, avoiding premature exhaustion from media attention. In the meantime, you can buy “Ready for Hillary” tumblers, courtesy of the Ready For Hillary PAC.

Whatever the case, we do know one thing: President Barack Obama has inserted himself into debate with one candidate. What we don’t know is whether he was protecting the party or his own policies.

Right-wing Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was on the rocks before he started exploring the possibility of running earlier this year. He was nearly recalled in 2012 and has been criticized for what he’s done with the state’s higher education. Namely: He holds the same view as Gov. Rick Scott, insofar as if your major doesn’t translate to business or STEM, you can kiss his ass. He tried to sneak that policy in writing but was found out and given a bucket of shit for doing so. No official announcement has been made, but he has been performing the Republican-considering-a-run ritual shifting rightward on abortion and piously invoking Ronald Reagan. And, just a few days ago, he said he would cancel any nuclear deal with Iran on the hypothetical first day of his presidency even though it would leave our European allies high and dry.

Obama said this would be “a foolish approach to take, and, you know, perhaps Mr. Walker, after he’s taken some time to bone up on foreign policy, will feel the same way.” Woof.

Perhaps he’s beating down potential Republican candidates, or defending his own legacy. If it’s the former, that’s a hell of a big deal. 

Republicans, you’ve unleashed the president.

[A version of this story ran on page 6 on 4/8/2015 under the headline “2016 presidential platforms underway”]

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