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Tuesday, December 07, 2021

What do you know? It’s already Oct. 16. One moment you’re a beaming freshman full of life, optimism and drive, and with the blink of an eye, you’re already a jaded, sleep-deprived, nerve-ridden upperclassman waiting to get your next coffee fix. Be careful in these upcoming weeks, and don’t let time slip through your fingers too easily. With that said, it’s time for …

Darts & Laurels

On Monday, Playboy Magazine announced it would no longer be running nude pictures within its pages, having been run out of the market by the Wild West world of online pornography. As much sense as it makes, it’s a bit of a shame; for the better part of half a century now, getting one’s hands on a Playboy was seen as a rite of passage for young men. Playboy’s admittance of defeat is yet another stark reminder that the times, they are a-changin’.

For demonstrating good business acumen and knowing when they’ve been beat, Playboy Magazine gets a bunny-shaped Laurel. As always, the slow, inevitable march of time and technological process gets a Dart.

A wise fictional character once said, "Sometimes science is a lot more art than science." This may have proved true this week when Danish researchers made an unexpected breakthrough in cancer research. While researching ways to protect pregnant women from malaria, the researchers noted that malaria proteins attack cancer cells in the same manner they do healthy, functional ones.

As reported by British newspaper "The Independent," "Scientists have combined the bit of protein that the malaria vaccine uses to bury into cells and combined it with a toxin — that can then bury into cancer cells and release the toxin, killing them off."

For asserting the future is well and truly here without having to kill off nudie mags, these Danish researchers get a Laurel.

On Thursday, our long national nightmare ended and "Nathan For You," returned to our television screens. For those who are unfamiliar with the show, every episode sees comedian Nathan Fielder working with struggling businesses to help them become more profitable. This sounds all well and good until you see the schemes that are concocted, such as poop-flavored yogurt for a fro-yo joint or the infamous "Dumb Starbucks." Last night’s episode was as great as ever, and it happened to involve an actual alligator stopping potential customers from claiming $1 high-definition televisions.

For unintentionally repping UF, as well as providing the funniest study of human behavior on television, Fielder gets an awkward, oddly confident Laurel.

We honestly don’t want to write about Bernie Sanders all that much within these pages; the Internet and other publications already do an admirable job of covering "the Bern" and sometimes it feels redundant on our part. However, last night Sen. Sanders once again demonstrated his upstanding moral and ethical character, and we’d be remiss not to acknowledge it.

Yesterday, it emerged that Martin Shkreli, the infamous CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals and the man responsible for jacking up the price of AIDS medication, had made a sizable contribution to Sanders’ presidential campaign to gain an audience with Sen. Sanders. In response, Sanders not only donated the money to the Whitman-Walker health clinic in Washington, but also declined to meet with Shkreli.

For being the rare politician unwilling to play the game and actually stick to his moral compass, Sanders gets a Laurel.

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