Before I worked at the Alligator, I had intended to drop out of college.
I’m serious – I truly wanted to figure out something better to do, and I was far from content with where my life was headed.
Those around me — my parents and friends I confided in — were aware that I spent the majority of my life convinced I didn’t want a college education. It just didn’t seem like something I needed.
But that’s partly because of my upbringing. I have to tell you about who I was before I worked at the Alligator for you to understand why I wanted to work here.
Born and raised in Gainesville, I was well-off growing up and, until high school, I didn’t have much adversity in my life.
My fraternal twin sister, two minutes older than me and the recipient of 90 percent of whatever good looks my parents could have gifted us, is easy to get along with and rarely outspoken in a confrontational manner.
Often a shy introvert, she would spend her time looking at galleries of models rather than wasting her time seeking the approval of whomever society had deemed popular that year. She wanted to be a model, and didn’t care what anyone thought.
I didn’t understand her contentedness with self-gratification, considering it would come in a solely image-focused profession, but I did envy how undeterred she was when it came to reaching her goals of becoming a model.
I never had anything that pushed me as hard as her dreams pushed her.
When I stopped growing once I’d reached 6-foot-barely as a 14-year-old freshman at Gainesville High, my dad went away.
Without going into too much detail – it’s the past, and while I’m not ashamed of anything I or my family has done, I would prefer to leave it there – my father was arrested, convicted and later sentenced to 70 months at a correctional institute in Miami.
I didn’t get down or hate my father – he knows my feelings for him haven’t changed, nor have the experiences I went through caused my love for my family to diminish.
A lot of emotions flew around in the ensuing months from my mother and sister as they struggled to internalize and adapt to the whirlwind we had been dragged into.
But strangely, I felt none of that.
I’m not saying I’m cold, callous and unable to feel sympathy or understand, but I just didn’t have time to deal with everything that was going on.
I never really have dealt with it to this day.
Instead, I subconsciously justified the presence of it as something I needed to prove I could overcome while my family around me struggled.
In the years that followed, I worked whenever I had free time – and not due to needing money or to avoid being a burden.
But because when it came to college, I wanted to make sure I had opportunities to get away from Gainesville when my time to leave came.
It turns out I didn’t need to escape, even though I still question whether I should have.
I got into UF unexpectedly, and after much thought I decided to stay home; my parents were still working things out, Florida is an amazing university and this was my home.
Yet I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my education, and no one, especially myself, seemed to know what I would be good at.
I ended up choosing psychology as my major, and that did nothing but solidify my conviction to withdraw from UF.
But I would have never forgiven myself if I had quit without studying a field involving English, which had marveled me ever since I had fully grasped its importance in everyone’s existence.
Upon deciding to change my major to journalism without much thought of it possibly leading to immense debt, I looked into working at the Alligator.
I applied in January 2014 and became a copy editor, eventually working my way up to sports editor in a little more than a year.
This paper has helped me realize I can do something as an individual that matters, rather than following the path that millions before me had ventured down more intelligently than myself.
I have found something that I’m internally driven to get better at instead of exerting myself on tasks I find menial.
The last two years have meant more to me than I could hope to put into words, and I first must thank you, the reader, for giving me the time that maintains my eagerness to dedicate mine.
I couldn’t be more grateful, and I hope you will follow me wherever I wind up next.
My parents – forgive me for using our family to explain how I am here, but I hope it helps you realize I’m aware that I couldn’t be in the position I’m at without your constant love, understanding and support.
Maddie — you rule and I will always support you.
My amazing girlfriend, Taylor, who has given me unwavering support for the entire time I’ve been working the unreasonable hours we all do. You keep me sane and centered always, and for that I am so grateful and couldn’t thank you enough.
And as I struggle to keep it together, I wouldn’t exist as a potential success nor would I be anywhere near as happy, blessed or optimistic about my future success without the invaluable support and care of my co-workers who are like family.
Jordan McPherson, you have taught me nearly everything I’ve learned here, and without your guidance I couldn’t have survived these past eight months as sports editor. You are one of, it not the, smartest man I have met in this profession without even considering your age, and you will achieve anything you want.
Emily Cochrane, Graham Hack and Luis Torres: I hope you all know how much you mean to me, and I’ll always be there for you just like you’ve been here for me.
To everyone else — thank you for supporting us.
Although we make errors and may offend, we are people who sacrifice our time and do this because we believe that staying informed is necessary to understand the world we live in and is essential to the development of a person.
Which encapsulates myself in a sense, and is the main reason I described my life to this point: Maintaining a conscious assessment of myself and what I wanted helped me develop and find out what I would be happy doing.
I’ll leave you with some advice that I couldn’t see myself being here without.
Find out what you want to do before it’s too late by learning what makes you feel alive. More importantly, confidently accept that what you want to do might not coexist with the expectations and hopes of others.
Follow Graham Hall on Twitter @Graham311
Fall 2015 Sports Editor Graham Hall
