Dear readers, we’re nearing the end. Five weeks into Summer A. It’s already almost over: crazy, right? It’s time to hit the books and try to pull some miracles in these classes so that we can all go back to enjoying what summer is truly about… never-ending rain?
Darts & Laurels
Seriously, what’s up with this Tropical Storm Colin?
Tuesday, residents of St. Pete Beach were asked to stop flushing the toilet, taking showers, doing laundry, etc. because Colin’s rains caused the sewer pipes and pump station to overflow, resulting in sanitary waste pouring out of manholes and onto city streets. Mother Nature has literally had enough of our shit. She wants us to taste our own medicine.
So, we give a dart to Colin for these horrid weather conditions. Thanks a lot, Colin. Maybe it’s time we build a wall around hurricanes and make everyone named Colin pay for it.
Now, in political news, honestly there’s so much to talk about. And as much as we’d love to discuss the Democratic primaries, you’re bound to get bombarded with that topic all weekend.
For now, let’s focus on something you may not hear in the news: Iowa State Sen. David Johnson. Tuesday, Johnson changed his voter registration from the Republican Party to “no party.” In light of Donald Trump’s recent racial onslaught against Judge Gonzalo P. Curiel, Johnson told reporters, “I will not stand silent if the party of Lincoln and the end of slavery buckles under the racial bias of a bigot.”
This may seem strange at first, but we at the Alligator want to extend Johnson a laurel for his bravery and courage. The poor man no longer felt comfortable in his own skin. Are we to brandish him for wanting to embrace who he really is politically? If Johnson is finally deciding to come out of the closet to embrace his true gender flu — uh, politically fluid — identity, we should commend his heroism. Let’s just hope he can find a bathroom in North Carolina.
Lastly, we want to give you, the readers, a special surprise. Your own laurel! Why? Well, just because. Life is too short. And let’s get real for a bit: We all know college is supposed to be the time of our lives, but let’s not discount that it’s also really, really tough at times. We’re faced with so many daunting responsibilities and transitions, so many seemingly life-altering decisions and incessant naggings as to what we’re doing with our lives, only to find that very few of us actually know the answers to these questions — which is OK.
So for those of you still reading, please enjoy this laurel and know we at the Alligator love you and believe in the beauty of your spirit and what you have to offer yourself, your loved ones and those around you.
Was that a bit idealistic? Yeah, sure — but ideals are what drive us forward. Without ideals, we’re nothing. Was it cheap? No, we strive to be genuine in our appreciation for the audience. Was it a bit of a random rant, the result of extensive overthinking? Maybe. In fact, let’s give a dart to overthinking for its potential to derail enjoyment of life’s simple pleasures.
For instance, maybe your power didn’t go out Tuesday night when Colin decided to rampage your hometown while you typed out an editorial. Not all of our Alligator staffers were so fortunate. Damn it, Colin. Why you gotta be so rude?
