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Wednesday, August 10, 2022

We hear clichés all the time. Sweet as pie, a truckload, hot as hell (Who even really knows if hell is really hot or if hell exists at all?). Another classic cliché is, “You are what you eat.” From that, a spinoff has been born into a world where first impressions are often last impressions and you are what you wear.

We note in our day-to-day lives small details. Sometimes we don’t notice when we’re staring a little too hard at a pair of last season sandals, but that’s OK. It’s a very human thing to do. What we wear daily may or may not describe our personalities and create lasting impressions — accurate or not.

Here are a few common thread style-types and what their outfits may be saying about them.

The “business man”

I know what we’re all thinking: suit-and-tie guy. Nope. The classic on-the-go guy is most comfortable in slacks and a sports polo. (Also known as golf shirts. Denial.) Haircut is always sharp, and the aroma of Guy Laroche’s 1980 something Drakkar Noir is stronger than an Instagirl’s brow game. Clean shaven, because the familiar buzz of an electrical razor at 6:30 a.m. is comforting. Has multiple cellphones and doesn’t take the buck. Owns suits for the occasional conference or wedding. Relaxes with a bottle of Malox and the latest stock updates.

The “gym bunny”

We all know them. On a map of Gainesville, they stick out like sore, comfortable thumbs. They are the guys and (mostly) gals decked out in every athletic brand known to man. The question is whether they actually work out (insert inquisitive emoji here). The gym bunny spends his or her time carrying an 8,000 pound backpack while running from class to class, swishing because their Nike shorts are made from the same material as windbreakers. Hair is usually freshly wet from a shower or in a high ponytail with a stretchy headband to catch perspiration from all of that hard thinking. Also, the gym bunny never works out without letting all of social media know. We get it. You’re so athletic and vegan.

The “boat shoe”

These folks spent a little too much time in their uniforms growing up, even when their schools didn’t require one. With crisp tan bermudas and a perfectly-posh, pastel Lacoste shirt, this style type will definitely be asking for the manager. Highlights will be effortless at the expense of a six-week standing appointment at the most expensive hair dresser in town. Also, they played soccer or lacrosse in high school, thank you very much!

The “bargain-ista”

This style type is a reader of “Vogue” while he or she waits in the checkout line at the grocery store. ($4 for a magazine? No thanks.) With a rewards card at every chic spot in town, he or she never pays retail. These nine-to-fivers are the style crushes of their plain Jane coworkers, with endless amounts of, “Where did you find those shoes?” The answer? Some discount store or a consignment shop. To them, laundry detergent makes any used item like new again. Fashionista turned bargain-ista, this stylish guy or gal will light their cards up for a good deal. Hide yo clearance, hide yo sales, ‘cause they buyin’ everything out in here.

The “go-getter-girl”

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The go-getter-girl’s wardrobe is chock full of pencil skirts and shift dresses. She is the style icon of the office and is known for posh professionalism. She always arrives with enough time to change out of her foldable flats into a pair of killer heels. Hair is up or down, and styled with a sharp part. Her work tote says style and practicality. Don’t underestimate this stick of fashionable dynamite. Her wardrobe may say business-femme, but she will rip your heart out in the courtroom or in a board meeting. Don’t ask her to get your coffee either. This go-getter broke through the stereotype ceiling ages ago, and she’s never going back.

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