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Sunday, May 19, 2024

You’ve now slept off your holiday food-coma, packed up your bags and suffered through the traffic on Archer Road. It’s here. The dreaded syllabus week where the campus is crowded with starry-eyed first-timers and returning students who have enough experience under their belt to know a little of what to expect in the upcoming term. Alcohol is a token remedy for those first tedious days, and what better way to start the semester than to show up hungover for your first couple of classes? Let’s drink!

Take a sip when…

  • You have spent more than two hours in the adviser’s office.
  • Your professor shows a meme during their introductory slideshow presentations.
  • The price of your textbooks this semester causes you to have an existential crisis.
  • You sign up for way more extracurricular activities than you can realistically complete because your denial runs deep.

Take a shot when…

  • You stock up on healthy food, but deep down you know you’ll just go back to eating Chipotle and ramen for the next few months.
  • You already know by the first day who your professor voted for this past election.
  • Your sleep schedule is actually that of a functioning human being… until day three.
  • The UF bookstore and Target Copy resemble scenes from The Hunger Games.
  • You have listened to your friend talk about her amazing winter break trip to the Alps for the third time — like, we get it, Carol, enough already.

Finish your drink when…

  • You have fallen asleep in one of your classes.
  • You already have a test scheduled for the upcoming week.
  • You get stuck behind a wall of students who seem to be competing in an ongoing race for slowest walker.
  • Your syllabus weighs more than your sanity.
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