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Tuesday, December 07, 2021

If you’re reading this, then your Spring Break probably hasn’t started yet. Or maybe it has, and while your friends are off on their expensive cruises or visiting their parents, you’re in good ol’ Gainesville. Or maybe you’re a dedicated student and are determined to show up to lecture with the five other people in the 200-person hall. Whatever it is, we are honored that on this blessed final day before Spring Break, you’ve decided to pick up a copy of your local newspaper and flip open to the pre-Spring Break…

Darts & Laurels

So perjury sucks right? We’re all familiar with the whole Bill Clinton “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” schtick. We all know that it can ruin someone’s political career. So it comes as no surprise that people from both sides of the political spectrum are shaking their heads at Attorney General Jeff Sessions, who denied having contact with Russia during his confirmation hearing, which apparently is not true. It’s a bit of a mess, to put it lightly, and both parties are calling for an explanation. Obviously, Jeff Sessions gets a dart, for not learning from literally every other political horror story of perjury.

But hey, it’s Spring Break, so shouldn’t we be talking about something more fun than old white guys in Washington D.C.? How about the fact that last week NASA found not one, not two — but seven planets potentially capable of supporting life? That’s pretty darn exciting. We spend so much time focused on the world around us, bogged down by the same old political problems and the same old battle cries threatening to tear us apart that we forget in the grand scheme of things, we are just specks floating in space. There’s a whole universe out there to explore folks; a whole glistening, endless world that we are only just beginning to get a glimpse of. So a laurel to NASA, to space, to a reminder that existence is more than just our day-to-day troubles. Keep that in mind as you worry about your Spring Break deadlines.

Now the obligatory segue back to politics. But hey, since it’s Spring Break, let’s have some fun and put a twist on it. We’re not going to talk about old white guys in D.C. this time, but young, hunky guys in Canada. That’s right, Canadian Prime Minister, and your newest political crush, Justin Trudeau. Move aside JFK, the throne of resident North American hot political leader has been taken. Some old photos of Trudeau popped up on the internet this week, showing us that this beautiful man has always, in fact, been beautiful. He can even make quilted vests and poofy ’80s hair look good. And that’s not to mention his commitment to reversing climate change and opening his sleeveless, muscled arms to refugees. We’re not Canadian political experts by any means, but right now, compared to our current political leader, we’re just a little jealous. Anyway, a laurel to Trudeau for causing us severe leader envy.

Finally, we’re wrapping this up with a dart to the PricewaterhouseCoopers accountants responsible for the infamous Oscars mix-up last Sunday night. We won’t dwell too long on this, but we just want to say that “Moonlight” — an independent drama about a gay black man, featuring not a single white person, a movie about the LGBTQ+ community where no one died, a movie about black people where they weren’t maids or slaves or some white person’s pity project — winning Best Picture was an important moment. It shouldn’t be reduced to having to share the stage. “Moonlight” deserves better than this. Its producers and directors deserved a full moment on stage — and a headline all their own.

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