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Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Halloween is finally over.

You never thought you would feel this way, but you had a few too many close encounters with the supernatural this year — even people with green eyes scare you at this point.

You exhale into the cool night air. Unfortunately, you overspent on coffee this week and couldn’t afford a ride home. The empty streets are sparsely lit with flickering lights, and you wonder if you should have just stayed at the library. At least you’re finally getting some exercise.

Not long into your walk, you begin hearing a strange noise in the distance. You aren’t sure where it’s coming from, and you don’t want to find out. But oddly enough, you can’t seem to avoid it. As it grows closer, you can hear the distinct sounds of Christmas bells.

It’s a bit early for that kind of stuff, but go off.

You try to walk away from the bells, but they just keep getting closer and closer. You’re nearly sprinting at this point, but can’t seem to shake off the energized harmonies and heavenly vocals.

You nearly make it to your apartment building when your stalker appears on the street across from you. You squint for a better look and gasp in shock.

It’s Mariah Carey, in the flesh.

Or wait, never mind. Those features look way too oddly-shaped to be her. In fact, you wonder if that’s even a human to begin with.

You step a bit closer and see…

Just Laurels

The news has been a lot lately. Let’s get positive!

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The U.S. House of Representatives has voted to formalize its impeachment proceedings against Trump, so we had to celebrate the fact that he might not ever be our president again by giving the House a laurel. Even though this won’t prevent Mike Pence from running, we’re still grateful we won’t have to listen to poorly-worded, off-script speeches anymore.

Things are moving forward in other places within politics. Twitter deserves a laurel for removing political ads from its platform, stating that a political message must be earned, not bought.  

Catch up, Facebook. 

Apple, at least, seems to be doing well with becoming more progressive. The company recently introduced gender-neutral emojis, and we have to give them a laurel for their inclusivity. Too bad they continue to break Chinese labor laws while making their products, but that’s a different issue for a different time.

Hong Kong is still having issues of its own, but the protesters are putting a fun twist on things. In the spirit of Halloween, protesters have donned “scary” masks of senior officials including Chinese President Xi Jinping and Hong Kong Chief Executive Carrie Lam in protest of the government’s mask ban. These protesters deserve a laurel for celebrating the spooky season and for defying their oppressors while doing so.

Artists have expressed their love of Halloween as well. Throughout October, many artists have challenged themselves to draw something every single day, calling the event Inktober. The final laurel goes to everyone who participated in this fun challenge. Thank you for gifting us with your talent and otherworldly levels of creativity. We can’t wait to see what’s in store for next year!

The Editorial Board consists of Zora Viel, Opinions Editor; Amanda Rosa, Editor-in Chief; Kelly Hayes, Digital Managing Editor; and Tranelle Maner, Engagement Managing Editor.

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