Like any good writer in the 21st century, the controversial topics I address are inspired directly from what I see on social media. Based on that alone, this week I was forced to decide between three things: whether Hillary Clinton’s lying habits are worse than Donald Trump’s, those one-minute cooking videos that always end with that one dude making sex noises to the image of food — “oh ye-AH!” — or some asshole at the gym again.
According to the comments section from my previous articles, anytime I write about politics, I’m wrong and also embody Hitler and Marx (who had mutually exclusive political ideologies: C’mon, comments section). Moreover, anytime I try to make that “fried-pickle-shrimp-scampi-lasagna-cookie-gasm” delight with a side of hummus and guacamole, I burn it and end up making myself what I call Ol’ Faithful: Froot Loops. So strap in, the seven of you Gators still here for Summer A (and conservative Gator alumni who still read, and even comment on, student newspapers like a bunch of nostalgic has-beens), because we’re going to tackle the issue of body image, today.
The most common headline I see on the side of that Facebook sidebar news thing is almost always related to penises. I now know a man had his penis bitten by a snake in Thailand, and the first penis transplant was successful. Unfortunately for the former dude, those are separate stories.
Now, the second most popular headline is about some outdated C-list celebrity who bravely posed nude on some even less famous magazine and how he or she is “silencing body-shamers.” Like most issues that only have two sides, both are embarrassing themselves with their polarizing opinions.
When a celebrity poses nude on a magazine, they’re called “brave.” When I do it, I get arrested and can’t legally trick-or-treat (‘tis a joke; I even shower with a pixelated rectangle around my genitals). There is nothing “brave” about that at all. Any sense of “empowerment” derived from what is clearly nothing more than shameless attention-grabbing is exactly the same empowerment creepy men in parking lots wearing nothing but brown trench coats get when they expose themselves to passersby at wee hours of the night. If anything, these magazine features are just a pathetic attempt to stay relevant and to capitalize and profit off of a generation that probably has enough hubris already. I don’t know if body-shaming is the cause of this phenomenon or the result of it: Both seem possible. Regardless, the opposite end of this spectrum is just as guilty of perpetuating bad logic.
Now it goes without saying America suffers from an obesity epidemic. There are too many factors at play here. Oftentimes, it has to do with genetics, but it also involves being raised with poor eating habits, horrible health education programs (in terms of diet and even physical education) in public schools and, of course, Sriracha sauce making everything taste like ambrosia. But the reality is no obese person is entirely responsible for his or her condition. More importantly, unless you’re a certified medical professional able to discuss such health conditions with the seriousness, delicateness and understanding obese people deserve, it literally isn’t your job to remind them. It also isn’t your job to harass these people to the point of making them break down or emotionally respond, with intensity, to their conditions.
Plus, body-shamers have unreasonable standards. Even people who are of average weight are shamed. During Spring Break this year I was called “chubby” by an acquaintance. One, we were talking about sports. Two, I don’t know why you would think it’s appropriate to say that anyway. Three, I’m literally 13 pounds underweight, Steven, you dumbass. Thankfully, my Jewish grandmother constantly reminds me I look skinny (Baruch atah adonai for a healthy metabolism).
Listen, dear reader, my point should be abundantly clear by now: You’re not brave for being naked, and you’re not helping by embarrassing people. Love the skin you’re in and do everything you can to keep your body healthy.
Zachary Lee is a UF philosophy senior. His column appears on Tuesdays.
