Do you remember, dear reader, sitting in a Drug Abuse Resistance Education class in elementary school, taking that solemn and sacred vow to never touch drugs? We do. Statistically, most of you have broken that oath. It’s no secret that a sizable portion of the college demographic has experimented with cannabis in one of its many forms.
Four ape-like creatures sat at the base of a tree in their rainforest habitat. They ate bananas, scratched their hindquarters, picked bugs out of one another’s hair and worried very little about the pressures of survival. Life was simple.
According to Godwin’s law, “As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazism or Hitler approaches one.” For those of you with no background in statistics, this means the longer an online discussion is, the more likely it is that someone will compare Nazism or Hitler to his or her opponent’s side of the argument. Given that this election is immersed in online communication, it’s unsurprising our candidates are already being compared to the early 1900s political movement.
Fellow Gators and football fans, we need to sit down and have a chat about your behavior over this weekend. A state of emergency was declared over our great state as Hurricane Matthew wreaked havoc in the Caribbean and our east coast. As of press time, 902 people have perished in the wake of this catastrophic storm.
You’re at a concert, standing with some friends in the pit. “Hello Gainesville!” shouts the lead singer to his adoring fans. You start singing along to the lyrics of their No.1 song, but something’s off. The singer’s lips are moving to the actual lyrics, but all you hear through the microphone is “Darts and Laurels, Darts and Laurels.” You look to your friend to see what’s up. But instead of your friend, it’s one of those creepy clowns. It tilts its head, looks into your soul and whispers, “What, don’t you love this song?”
It was astonishing, the vice presidential debate between Tim Kaine and Mike Pence. It looked oddly familiar. It looked nothing like the debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump a few weeks ago. No, this debate was full of substance, political theory and, for the most part, well-developed arguments. Kaine and Pence got on that stage and actually looked like what two respectable candidates ought to. It seems the debate we watched Tuesday is the debate we had traditionally been watching. For once, we felt nostalgic.
Many students at UF have taken statistics classes at some point in their lives. Whether they came to UF with AP Statistics credits in their back pockets or took Introduction to Statistics 1 here, it’s comforting to know that those in our campus environment acknowledge and respect statistical truth, even if, by taking those classes, they understand how easily manipulated statistics can be. Regardless, the website FiveThirtyEight, created by statistical superstar Nate Silver, published an article yesterday with a gripping headline: “People Who Oppose Gay Marriage Are Less Likely To Value Expert Opinion.”
Fads come and go. In 2016, some of the best moments can be had sitting on the Plaza of the Americas, watching people as they stroll all the way from Anderson Hall to Turlington Plaza, selfie stick in hand, to document this fascinating migration. Fitbits must always be on, because how else would people keep track of how many calories they burned playing “Pokemon Go”? Why not let everyone know what you just did by sending them a Snapchat with that puppy-dog face?
Perhaps one of the biggest reasons the “Star Wars” franchise is so well-celebrated is its character depth. In the latest installment, “The Force Awakens,” the two protagonists meet Han Solo and ask themselves whether he is a “war hero” or a “smuggler.” It’s a chuckle-inducing conversation. We remember the quasi-duality of Han Solo in the original trilogy. He was a renegade, a drinker, a gamblin’ man and a cheat. Solo, while certainly a pretty face, had all the charisma and romantic prowess of a drunken fraternity brother. His irresponsibility, lack of foresight and self-important cavalier attitude expressed arrogance and a blatant disregard for other people’s lives. Said plainly: Han Solo was kind of a d-----. More “smuggler” than “war hero,” without a doubt.
“I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed,” your father says, sitting down at the edge of the bed. “I was young once too, y’know.” He chuckles to himself. “I remember when I read my first Darts & Laurels. I was just 17, a freshman at UF. All my friends were reading the Alligator. I figured, if I read it too, maybe I’ll fit in. Maybe I’ll be cool.” He sighs and looks back at you. “You’ll always be my child, and I love you for that alone. But please, make good choices. Keep a good head on those shoulders. I know it’s harmless, but some good people get caught up in some bad things when they read…
Pop quiz: Who said the following quote? “Leaders, true leaders, take responsibility for the success of the team and understand that they must also take responsibility for the failure.” Was it (a) Elon Musk, (b) Steve Jobs, (c) Mark Cuban or (d) Donald Trump? Given how topical the last choice was, those of you unfamiliar with the quote probably guessed correctly.
There is a massive philosophical question surrounding the use of stem cells in medical research. Part of this question exists because the communication of scientific information in this country is crap. The myths oftentimes are inseparable from the facts. This is why, embarrassingly enough for us, only 70 percent of Americans believe in climate change, while an overwhelming 97 percent of scientists accept it as valid.
It’s that time of year again — Student Government elections. The last few years, dear reader, have been as tumultuous as ever. The drama surrounding various party name changes, accusations of nepotism, mudslinging and the seemingly valid conspiracy theories seems to never end, and even as we put the finishing touches on this endorsement editorial, the Not My System movement is preparing a livestream for a Q&A.
In a cramped room outside the Marlins Park locker room, a grinning José Fernández sat in front of cameras and reporters.
The internet is a wonderful thing. On Monday, it blessed us with a strange yet immensely fascinating look into a previously mysterious corner of itself: North Korea’s internet. By some accounts, it’s hard to believe North Korea even has internet. But this past weekend, the doors were accidentally opened to North Korea’s websites — all 28 of them. For the citizens of the closed-off, dictator-led poverty-stricken nation, that basically is their internet.
Recently our opinions editor was walking by Tijuana Flats on University Avenue and saw pink ribbons scrawled in paint across the windows. These ribbons, obviously symbolizing the global fight against breast cancer, really resonated with him. His mother is a breast cancer survivor. Also, his love of burritos is unparalleled.
Dear readers, we need to have a serious talk about Tim Tebow.
It’s really weird to be confused about your cultural identity. I will always say I am Puerto Rican before I am Mexican and before I am American. My family is huge and loud and very Hispanic. We’re great fun at parties. At the same time, however, I’ve often felt like I’m “too white” to be Hispanic and “too Hispanic” to be American, and it’s frustrating to explain to my friends and family when I feel like I can’t fully fit in with them.
With Gainesville residents protesting oil pipelines Tuesday, we here at the Alligator thought we’d offer some insight into what’s going on in our beautiful state.
Where does responsibility come from? At what point can someone abandon his or her sworn obligations? While the discussion surrounding San Francisco 49ers football player Colin Kaepernick’s decision to lead a national protest is growing stale and tiresome, the reaction by the Santa Clara Police Department is so irresponsible, so reckless and so downright childish that a continuation of this discussion is sadly necessary.
Solutions by The State News
