Over the past few weeks, it appeared as though Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton were about ready to channel a Mortal Kombat-level deathmatch over each other’s qualifications. The fire may have subsided, but many voters, including us Alligator staffers, still wonder: Is either Sanders or Clinton truly qualified to be president? Better yet, what does it mean to be “qualified”?
Satire’s funny, right? Well, it can be. Cool, let’s talk about that then. Satire provides commentary through irony — sarcasm, in most cases. And, as I’ve spouted at least twice, irony or “subversion of expectation” is the root of all comedy. Saying one thing and meaning another. Presenting one perception and juxtaposing it with the truth. How much more pretentiously can I describe it? There will always be bigger words in the dictionary; you may as well aim low in that regard.
In a lawsuit filed last Tuesday, a small group of New England Patriots fans — not the same patriots from 250 years ago — demanded the NFL return the Patriots’ first-round draft pick. The draft pick was taken from the team by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell before last season in response to the questionably deflated footballs used by the New England team in the 2015 playoffs.
We live in a world full of myths. Never mind the tales of an undercover spy, or so-called “fairy” (likely Soviet-trained) sneaking into our children’s bedrooms to do Lord knows what with their precious teeth or the tales of a puppet hiding behind his nasal mutation to cover up his habitual dishonesty. No, we want to highlight supposedly truthful claims and offer a reminder of their unfounded foundations.
The young couple from Mississippi detained by federal authorities in August has, among other charges, pleaded guilty to conspiring to provide material support for the Kim Kardashian of radical Islamic militancy: the Islamic State. The aspiring American jihadists shocked and captured the attention of Americans throughout the country.
"Everything that is good is light, what is divine runs on delicate feet: first principle of my aesthetic,” declares Nietzsche in “The Case of Wagner.” Paul Valery claims in his notebooks that “(t)he preparation of a work consists of laboriously granting oneself the liberty of executing it lightly.” In his “Six Memos for the New Millennium,” Italo Calvino calls for lightness to combat “the slow petrification” of the world caused by “the inexorable stare of Medusa.”
Bathrooms: For some, they’re a sanctuary of privacy from incessantly annoying roommates. For others, they inspire a frantic cleaning spree before an unexpected visit from mom and dad. But for those in the transgender community, bathrooms represent civil struggle.
If civility isn’t dead in 2016, it’s pretty close to being put in the ground.
Personal health: the news topic that makes readers go, “Oh, I should start paying attention to that soon,” before moving on to read whatever Ann Coulter recently said about Hispanic people. But unlike Ms. Coulter, disregarding uncomfortable health conditions does not make them go away.
I went home recently for the weekend and had a grand time visiting hometown haunts and stuffing my face with home-cooked food. As a college student ready to throw herself into the throes of finals week, there is nothing like a visit home to provide a perfect relaxation boost — as well as a motivation boost. When family members start tentatively asking about grades, and you remember how hard they might have worked to afford to give you this stellar college education and the ability to go for your dreams, I personally rediscover a great motivating force to settling down in the library for a long haul of studying.
What a week it’s been, readers. We’ve got presidential candidates throwing shade at one another, Gainesville residents yelling at Florida governors in Starbucks, Star Wars Easter eggs and secrets circling our social media — and oh, yes, finals week rapidly approaching to wreak havoc on our precious grades. But in the meantime, thank you, readers, for tuning into our vain attempt at making sense of the world, our long-winded banter, our latest segment of…
Two weeks ago, noted hacker and white nationalist Andrew Auernheimer decided to access printers across the U.S. and churn out fliers with the following message:
We live in a world full of myths. Never mind the tales of Japanese-animated Italian-American plumbers loading up on mushrooms and picking fights with fire-breathing dinosaurs, nor the tales of an undocumented bunny who can’t keep track of his eggs. (And why do we insist on sending our children to pick up after his mess?) No, what we wish to discuss is the collection of falsehoods so many of us commonly accept as “probably true.”
When I became Student Body president, I wanted to make sure that diversity was more than just a checkmark. Because I want to chip away at the racism, classism and discrimination that exists in Student Government — issues that will continue to plague SG going forward.
The 2016 primaries have brought an almost endless stream of surprises. Former “outsider” candidates have outlasted most of their well-funded, well-known opponents. As this primary season continually looks like it will be razor-thin, it is clear the most important thing is delegates.
Before he was 15 years old, Jose Fernandez was arrested three times for attempting to flee Cuba. Today, he is an MLB All-Star pitcher for the Miami Marlins.
In many ways, art could be considered the most important subject. Art expresses ideas and thoughts where words cannot, which is why it transcends any language and stands as its own form of communication. Children learn to draw and use Play-Doh before they can write because art stands at the center of creativity. So it is important UF have an art museum where students can find a source of inspiration when words simply don’t suffice. It’s called the Samuel P. Harn Museum of Art.
It is rare to find topics regarding morality and societal values in the news.
Just when you think you’ve seen it all, life takes it all up a notch. Everyone knows this election season has not been unlike mint-flavored Oreos: an endless cycle of frustration and disappointment. Yet, last week we may have finally witnessed the craziest accusation of 2016.
Many want to write off Donald Trump as an aberration, a joke — what America isn’t. But I think The Donald’s success thus far within our "free market" and absurd election process,is a testimony to America’s values: deep-seated racism and misogyny. His popular support and misplaced recognition by erstwhile serious media outlets also evidences there are, indeed, many Americans who are little Donalds themselves.
Solutions by The State News
