You could best describe the current mood at the Department of Darts and Laurels as ambivalent. Summer classes have finally come to an end, and we're stuck somewhere in between nostalgia and euphoria.
Given their Nixon-esque polling numbers, it's safe to say that President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are not exactly the most popular pair to grace 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. In fact, only about 25 percent of people think our feckless leader is doing a good job. Incidentally, the same percentage of people predicted that the second coming of Jesus would occur in 2007. I've got a hunch that there's a lot of overlap in those two groups.
Last week, the 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals issued an injunction compelling UF administrators to officially recognize an organization that openly discriminates against people based on their religion or irreligion, as the case may be, as well as on the basis of gender.
About a month ago, Florida's new "guns-at-work" law went into effect. The law allows employees with valid concealed weapons licenses to keep their guns in their cars while at work.
There are 3.7 million Floridians without health insurance. That means if you are under the age of 65, there's about a 1 in 4 chance that a serious illness would drive you into bankruptcy. But fear not - Gov. Charlie Crist has a plan. He calls it Cover Florida, and with it, he hopes to reduce the number of uninsured by offering them affordable premiums.
A recent letter to the editor by Kyle Morgan made outrageous claims about economic regulation. Mr. Morgan obviously has a very tenuous hold on reality if he thinks that more deregulation is the answer to our economic woes when in fact, the opposite is true.
The final countdown has begun. One week until summer break. The beginning of the end of summer classes means that tailgating and tackle football are on the horizon. And while we at the Department of Darts and Laurels can't wait to see Tebow and Co. run all over the "competition," we're determined to conclude the summer with the patented satirical smack-downs that you've come to expect from these pages. As summer classes wind down to a close, we hope you've enjoyed the summer edition of what has become something of an institution (no, we're not presumptuous at all) in The Gator Nation. We thank you for humoring us as we've offered scathing indignation and effusive gratitude, not usually in equal portions, in reaction to the news of the week. So without further ado, we offer the second-to-last summer installment of …
Your recent editorial regarding my new assignment misstated and omitted a number of important facts.
If one goes by the adage "all press is good press," then Mr. Simmons' column is correct: Sen. Barack Obama has been receiving more media coverage than Sen. John McCain since the end of the primary season.
This is in regard to the Dart handed out to conservative radio talk show host Michael Savage in the July 24 edition of the Alligator for comments he made about autistic children.
As a result of the worst budget crisis in state history, Florida's colleges and universities have been forced to leave vacant positions unfilled, eliminate or incapacitate various degree programs and hand out pink slips to faculty members in order to cope with the state Legislature's refusal to fully fund higher education.
If your experience has been anything like mine, you've been surrounded by Obamamania for the better part of the past several months. It's not related, as much as you might expect, to spending most of the day on a college campus, where support for the master orator is pervasive and contagious. Rather, like most Americans, I've been bombarded with thinly veiled propaganda from the mainstream media in support of the hope-monger for longer than I care to remember.
There won't be any more opportunities to giggle at former Mississippi coach Ed Orgeron and his gruff Southern accent. If you want to see what I'm talking about, just search for his Hummer ad on YouTube.
China, the European Union, the United States and South Korea.
We're not exactly sure what it is about Gainesville that predisposes The Gator Nation to excellence. Maybe it's something in the water (or in this case, the amber-colored beverages routinely found in plastic cups). At any rate, UF is once again the reigning national champion - this time we're No. 1 in partying.
In his July 22 column, Joshua Simmons illogically reasoned that low enrollment numbers in the CHOICES program could only mean that the program is "exactly the wrong model of health care" for Alachua County's working poor. What Mr. Simmons has failed to consider is that low enrollment numbers may be a symptom of other problems, such as citizens simply being unaware of the program. Many social programs take a few years to get off the ground. This seems to be the case with CHOICES.
I'm writing in response to Victoria Winkler's article about the Student Senate's decision to expunge Sen. Matt Michel's absences, which appeared in the July 17 edition of the Alligator.
The fact that most of us don't hold a mortgage, work a full-time job or have kids to support makes it pretty easy to ignore the current economic crisis. It doesn't help that for all but a few of us, economics is more boring than an episode of "Book TV" on C-SPAN 3 featuring an interview with Alan Greenspan.
When it hasn't been raining, it's been hot as Hades in the center of The Gator Nation this week. As the dog days of summer sprint onward at break-neck speed, we at the Department of Darts and Laurels would like to advise our loyal readers to stay hydrated and keep cool. Heat stroke shouldn't be taken lightly and neither should this week's blazing edition of …
It appears that the Alligator editorial board has had some difficulty in understanding the difference between a "timetable" and a "general time horizon." I would like to make an attempt to clarify these terms.
Solutions by The State News
