After this week, we’re seeing red.
Like much of the country, we’ve been watching with astonishment and incredulity as the entire country faces the inevitability of turning into fake Mohawk Indians as we brace for the biggest tea party this country has seen south of Boston.
And we’re still hoping it’s a dream we’ll wake up from. Maybe even a “Freaky Friday” type thing. Or maybe our hopes for our newfound, post-election reality to be a “Freaky Friday” false alarm are just so we can see Lindsay Lohan back in her days of alleged pre-cocaine glory.
We know we told you last week this would be our last politically themed anything for a while as we bask in the glory that is the lame duck season with the absence of political mailers and TV ads, but we just can’t leave any of this unsaid and swept under the rug. We fibbed, Gators. But everything’s fine. The Department of Darts and Laurels is here to make you feel all warm and cozy following one of the scariest elections in history.
So, in light of our we-spoke-too-soon fib, we’d like to present you with your very own Mostly-Election-Themed-Because-We’re-So-Angry-With-Everyone-We’re-Really-Considering-Moving-To-Connecticut-To-Get-The-Heck-Out-Of-Florida-And-Just-To-Show-How-Mad-We-Are-We’re-Boycotting-All-Tea edition of….
Darts & Darts
That’s right. We’re so angry, and we have nowhere to direct any of this anger so we’re just not drinking any more tea.
And if you read our editorial Thursday, we might not be drinking any more coffee either after the Board of Governors amended a regulation allowing them to now entertain block tuition proposals from Florida universities.
So we’re throwing all of them a big We-Realize-You-Have-Enough-Money-To-Pay-For-Extra-Credits-You-Aren’t-Taking-So-Yo-Can-Pay-For-Our-Classes-With-Your-Big-Wig-Wallets-As-We-Poor-College-Students-Continue-To-Starve DART.
And, as we said, this is a mostly political-themed edition today, and we don’t have enough Darts to throw, so get ready.
Really, Florida? Really? Half of you voted to elect a fraud?
The bald man behind the biggest Medicare fraud in history is now running the fourth most populous state. We know Alex Sink wasn’t the best choice, but to elect a man who invoked the Fifth Amendment to keep secrets 75 times was probably not the best idea you all have had.
Say goodbye to gay rights, abortion rights, gun control, clean energy and general integrity and honesty. And Cubans, you might want to just lie low for a while. We’re sure Scott has a plan to find out you’re illegal somehow.
But we’re going to pull a fast one on you. We’re not even throwing the Mr. Clean wannabe a Dart. Nope. He is, unfortunately, our rightfully elected governor. And we’ll deal with it for four years until all of you make your next biggest mistake.
But half of you marked the oval for his name. And for that, we’re throwing the entire state of Florida our entire arsenal we had shipped in to fully express how ridiculous this situation is What-Were-You-Thinking DARTS.
The entire state. That’s right. We hope throwing each and every one of you a Dart wakes you up to keep this bald man to a one-term governor.
We’re so disappointed, Floridians.
