I have only a few rules when it comes to sex and relationships. But the one that I view as my golden rule, that I treasure and adhere to religiously, that is my number one tip for both men and women having lackluster sex, is this: Never fake an orgasm.
I won't play "Little Ms. Innocent" here. I have, on occasion, felt bad about not achieving the all-mighty 'O,' thought I should stroke the dude's ego and was also just getting tired of sitting there praying for him to move just a bit north, so I delivered a Meg Ryan-in-"When Harry Met Sally"-worthy performance. Yes, yes, oh yes, god yes, I did. But I regret it now.
Not only did I sacrifice my own fulfillment, but I also allowed the guy to think he did something correctly.
Consider this: When you misplace a comma or spell something wrong in a paper, whether you're in elementary school or college, does your teacher not circle, correct or chide you for your mistake? Of course they do, because recognizing an error and presenting the correct alternative is the cornerstone of learning.
Can you imagine a professor patting you on the back for your valiant effort even though you arrived at the wholly incorrect answer on your calculus midterm?
In a University of Chicago survey, "Sex in America," researchers found that only one-third of women achieved orgasm in an average sex session (which, despite Clinton's definition, includes both foreplay and actual intercourse). Thing is, we're all responsible.
Chances are your bedmate wants to get you off just as much as you want to come yourself. Sometimes dispensing pleasure is just as tantalizing as receiving it.
But if given the wrong information and false reassurance, how is anyone going to end up satisfied?
Need more convincing? Giving a woman an actual, mind-blowing orgasm doesn't just give you bragging rights - it makes her much more willing to give you one, as well. The first step is admitting we have a problem. The problem is the big fake out. Think about the possible difference in our sex lives if we all stopped the deception.
Faking is a disservice to everyone, and until it is stopped, we will all be the recipients of stretched vocal cords, bruised egos and pent-up libidos. Stay tuned next week to find out how we can all improve our sex lives and make faking a permanent fixture of the past.