I'm disappointed in you, ladies. The rain is beginning to subside, the heat has gone into hiding, and you still won't go camping.
Women have so many excuses that we normally just give up the fight and go without them.
Which isn't all that bad.
We manly men get to yell, drink and fight without fear of being cuddled in the middle of the night. Plus, we're able to set nearly anything we can find on fire.
Which reminds me - I need to buy a flame-retardant sleeping bag next time.
It's great to have time with the boys, but for once we need to coerce our girlfriends into joining us for a night away from the town.
Let's get them away from air conditioning, showers, toilets and toilet paper, makeup, hair dryers, hair curlers, hair tweezers and various other non-necessities.
It may be harder than I thought. Women are used to being pampered on a daily basis, so it's understandable that they'd want to stay home with their objects of beautification instead of spending quality time with friends.
Gentlemen, it's up to us to make the woods more comforting. Nature is an itchy and smelly place, but it's nothing we can't conquer. Gone are the days of roughing it - the only way we'll be able to bring the women is to start fluffing it.
Instead of hanging up hammocks, let's invest in some new curtains! Remember, you're going to be dealing with a lot of "earth tones," so spring colors are out.
Take a TV with you, and you'll never have to miss out on "Pushing Daisies" again! Just plug that cord right into the ground, and use the natural energy of the earth to help the women fuel their addiction.
It may seem like the campsite beverage of choice is beer, but the flora and fauna of Gainesville offer many new exciting drink combinations. Try combining vodka with the juice of a palm-frond, straining it over ice and adding Spanish moss for garnish to make Palm-tinis.
If you're into shots, combine a half-ounce of rum, a half-ounce of alligator egg yolk and a half-ounce of pond scum. When mixed correctly, the "Florida Special" will make any Southern girl giddy.
Is camping really about comfort? Shouldn't we want to escape from the modern world every once in a while?
We go out, pitch tents and weather the elements because it's a humbling experience. When you realize how people lived for thousands of years - and how some live now - you become thankful for what you actually have.
Taking a hot shower is a luxury, even if you do it every day. Having devices such as computers and cell phones make our lives incredibly easy. Being able to sleep without fearing a snakebite is a comfort our ancestors could only dream about.
To fully appreciate the advancements of our civilization, we sometimes have to give up everything. With all distractions aside, we remember what it's like to be human instead of the cyborgs we've become.
Women would honestly enjoy camping if they knew how fun it could be. The benefits are endless. You can travel somewhere without paying for a place to stay.
You can spend time with your true friends and not have to pick up the phone for people you don't really want to talk to anyway.
And you can keep an eye on your boyfriend to make sure he doesn't burn down the forest.
Which reminds me - I need to buy a flame-retardant sleeping bag next time.
Kyle Cox is a junior majoring in marketing and anthropology.
