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Thursday, March 30, 2023

Don't you sometimes wish you could retreat from the exams and papers back into the fray of '90s television shows? Things were so much easier when Clarissa explained it all. Or when Mr. Feeny was your life counselor. Or when Zack Morris was the hottest guy around. If only we had the DVDs of these shows. You can reminisce, too. Join us as we wax nostalgic in this week's old-school-was-the-best-school edition of…

Darts & Laurels

He's the guy who inspired this week's theme, so we've gotta give a we-couldn't-get-the-theme-song-out-of-our-head-for-days LAUREL to Bill Nye "The Science Guy" for making all our childhood dreams come true. He showed up at the Accent-sponsored speech in his ubiquitous bow tie and with his unique brand of humor. He talked about topics we all know but added his own spin and approached them differently than someone like, say, your physics professor. Plus, he's probably a reason many students at UF are interested in science, just like LeVar Burton's show "Reading Rainbow" got many of us into books.

Up next, we give a they-don't-put-this-stuff-on-TV-too-often LAUREL to volunteers for Gainesville's "Homeless Night Out and Service Fair" held Wednesday. Sure, many shows from our youth may have had a homeless character for an episode or two, but they never stayed on the show for too long - not too realistic, is it? Luckily, hundreds of UF students and Gainesville residents understand this and volunteered at the event, offering clothing, information and more to Gainesville's homeless. Hopefully the homeless will experience a series-finale happy ending.

Here's a this-ain't-Camp-Anawanna DART to the Gator Athletic Ticket Order Request System, which still relies on phone-ins to order tickets. But we don't live in the backwoods. We're not at summer camp (although we hold it in our hearts). It's time G.A.T.O.R.S. switched over to the Internet. Student Sen. Jordan Johnson is looking into solving the tickets problem with the help of a student survey and the University Athletic Association. We say anything that lets students spend less time on the phone is a good thing, especially in this "Wild and Crazy Kids" time of our lives.

Next we give a solving-this-problem-is-like-an-episode-of-"Legends-of-the-Hidden-Temple" LAUREL to Delta Delta Delta Sorority for its campaign to make UF's sororities and fraternities greener. We're sure Olmec would approve. The Greeks will challenge themselves to change their lifestyles for the greener and make their houses more sustainable, with recycling programs, compact fluorescent lightbulbs or switching from Styrofoam products to recycled paper. We hope other Greeks jump on this hot trend like Kel jumped on a bottle of orange soda.

Only days after Accent announced former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales would speak at UF this month, the U.S. Senate is closing in on confirming his replacement. We've got to give a Scooby-Doo-and-Co.-would-never-let-them-get-away-with-this DART to Michael Mukasey. Despite saying he doesn't consider waterboarding a form of torture, he is supposed to be confirmed with votes to spare. Even though he's said he would follow the anti-waterboarding laws passed by Congress, having him as attorney general won't look good to the rest of the world - which already doesn't like us too much.

Finally, it's a we-need-new-episodes-of-our-favorite-shows-even-if-they-aren't-from-the-'90s DART to the Writers Guild of America, whose members are protesting that they aren't getting revenues from shows' DVDs and the Internet. We know writers gave us great shows like "The Secret World of Alex Mack." We know without them we never would have had "The Adventures of Pete & Pete." And we know today we can't keep going without new episodes of "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart" and "The Office."

Please, get the contracts figured out so the next generation of kids will have great TV shows to remember.

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