I really thought I was up to date on my sex and relationship schematics.
I know all the code names for the "bunk buddy," I understand the intricate differences between "hanging out" and "hooking up" and I completely get what it means to be "talking."
So when my friend blindsided me with all the symptoms of a relationship minus the all-important future prospect, I was at a loss.
She was in what looked like a relationship, smelled like a relationship and tasted like a relationship, but wasn't a relationship at all. I felt like Alexander Fleming accidentally stumbling upon penicillin.
But was this new situation as potentially rewarding as the aforementioned infection treatment?
Here's the situation: my friend started sleeping with our friend's brother. The guy would hang out with her at bars, would take her to dinner and would call and text her in daylight. She was even chummy with his parents.
The distinction was that neither was interested in a traditional relationship that would "go anywhere."
Both seemed ambivalent about a possible demise and neither was keen on the term "relationship," even though that's exactly how I would define their dealings.
It confused me. I've never been the kind of person who entered into something without a game plan. I have clear motives and objectives if I start a relationship, and if I'm not cool with the commitment, it seems worthless to entangle my emotions in that kind of Russian roulette.
The situation reminds me of being an office temp. For a limited time you fulfill the job to the best of your abilities, but without the chance for advancement, I can't imagine having the motivation to give my all.
Aren't relationships the same? If there is nothing to gain in the end, is the experience worth it?
My friend would say absolutely, that from each experience we learn, we grow and we evolve.
Perhaps I'm simply not evolved enough to handle the possible minefield of jealousy, disappointment and loneliness that accompanies such an arrangement.
But my main hesitation is this: where does that leave commitment, the most essential ingredient of any relationship?
A "temporary relationship" seems to foster a greater connection than just sex. There is an inherent commitment, even if it's never defined.
But unsanctioned commitment is like murky swamp water, full of unforeseen threats.
Trying out new sexual situations is a normal part of growing up, but be wary of your heart.
Your own desires can hurt others when you add sex into the mix, even unintentionally.
